You did not choose Me, but I chose you

Somehow I felt tired. I thought I could possibly find some research funding but really it's hard. I actually don't know what to do with this. The pressure for research funding has forced me, again, to come to the Lord.

I can't really do anything but consecrate myself to the Lord. I asked for the Lord's speaking to me what I should do, but the Lord didn't answer me directly with any verses. However, through the conversations with Him, I gradually realised that it was really the Lord's calling for my studying abroad. Before, I was doubting my decision to come to the UK and study PhD was merely a decision out of flesh. This time, while I learned to speak more to Him, the Lord was dealing with me and my inner intention. To an extent, I know that I'm here for the Lord's move in Europe. And I told the Lord, now the responsibility is Yours. I'm just telling You, I need funding.

While reading the gospel of John, a verse in 15:16 came to me. "You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and I set you that you should go forth and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My Name, He may give you."

This verse touched me. So many times Satan just wanna accuse me of the studying abroad decision was not the Lord's calling. However, it was indeed the Lord's mercy and it was Him who called me here. He used a brother's testimony to make me have a heart to come to Europe. He opened the way so a girl who comes from a poor family can study in the UK. He arranged everything so my application got accepted. While I was living in sister house, He arranged an environment to help me practise English. If it was only me, I didn't even dare to dream of studying abroad and doing a PhD.

Then recently while I again felt worried about my funding, the Lord exposed me, "Do you think I'm not able to do it?". I responded, "Lord, of course You are able." Because of my consecration, the Lord simply asked me to "take care of my heart". As long as my heart is right, He's able to make it happen. This time I have another consecration. I know it's been hard to think this will happen, but I told the Lord if I can get the funding to finish my study and He's able to sort out my visa issue, I will go to FTTL.

Lord, have Your way in Me. My heart is with Your move in Europe.

Recover the land

It's been a while. During the one month time, I had finished my dissertation, prepared the freshers fayre, and tabled while the freshers came in my uni. Then, I had become quite sick for a week. But somehow, as the Lord listened to our prayer, the Lord has brought some new ones under our care. This is absolutely amazing :) I gradually realised how the cooperation with God is so important. We prayed, and the corresponding action must be taken for He realised His promise by our taking action.

After recovering from the cold, I start to participate in training for new researchers. And again, I need to figure out a new research direction. I don't know where to start. Loads of thoughts have come in. Which area is more promising? Which area can help me get more funding? Which area can help me stay in Europe. A lot of practical things need to be considered, and as usual, I'm easily frustrated while I'm confused or struggling with my future direction. Well, all above is just my reflection of my life recently. At the same time, I feel the need not just to read morning revival in the morning, read the Bible myself, but also need to enter in the ministry. And this is the book I chose- the all-inclusive Christ.