Let us sing for joy to Jehovah

Thanks to the menstrual cycle and PMS, I often feel weak for one week or two and come to life afterwards. When you have a weak physical body, it is always not easy to achieve whatever you intend to do. Some work has been piled up during this time. Even when I start feeling better, I can feel overwhelmed just by thinking of all the work before me that needs to be dealt with. 

It is, however, a comfort that when I read many of God's workers in history have had some physical limitations. Many times we might think why the Lord doesn't give us a super healthy body so we can do this and that and to glorify God. We don't ask for a weak body to be seen as a spiritual person, but we do have many "problems" and "thorns" in our daily human life. And this morning, I read Psalm 95. 

verse 1-3: Come, let us sing for joy to Jehovah; Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us make a joyful noise to Him with psalms. For Jehovah is a great God And a great King above all gods. 

The Lord has put limitations to many of us, yet it should not stop us praising God. I am still learning to work and live by the Lord's mercy and grace without feeling much stress so I can faithfully carry out my daily work. And while I feel weak and helpless with many limitations, dear Lord, may You be much closer and dearer to me. 

Run not before Him

Recently, my prayer to the Lord is "Lord, go before me". 

Again when I was trying to take a step forward, I felt anxious about this. Just as I always do- my oversensitive nerves always make me not feel well. I could not fall asleep at night properly. You can not say that I am really anxious, but my super sensitive nerves do not agree. Whenever I want to take a step forward, this always happens. I cannot control. 

This morning, while I was thinking to linger on my bed more due to the lack of sleep at night, my another response was that I shall wake up early because I really need to seek for the Lord at this moment. Then this hymn occurred to me. 

(Hymnal 643) 

Take time to behold Him,

Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.

__________

The Lord keeps reminding me of not running before Him. I am convicted, and whether the step will lead me further or not, I do not know. But dear Lord, in joy or in sorrow, may I still follow You. Make me look up to You and trust in Your Word. 

I also confess that my soul did not align with the Lord. Whenever my nerves get sensitive, my thoughts can go wild. Oh Lord, cause my soul to be calm and let every thought and temper be under Your control. Lord, I want to be led by the Spirit to fountains of love. Regardless of what might happen, dear Lord, may the fountains of love overwhelm me so I will find mercy at whatever You may lead. 

The example of Joseph

Probably because I have been struggling with my work and considering the future direction, the Lord has been reminding me of the example of Joseph in Genesis in the recent week.

There are several things that I touched, but I will just put the message I listened to this evening (https://tinyurl.com/yyw8nbak).

It was quite an enlightening message for young adults. The flesh, self, and natural concepts need to be dealt with via losing our soul life.

I enjoy several practical points including our work attitudes need to be perfected, our relationships with God and men shall be full of peace, and we shall pursue to grow in life.

One of the examples is the Joseph in Genesis. He had been dealt with by various situations arranged by the wise and loving God, and eventually, he became a person of life who provided food to save those who came to Him.

These practices pretty much define whether we can be used for the Lord to turn this age. Oh Lord, don't want to be left out.

Physically exhausted, but Your presence is here with me

Treu ist Er, der euch beruft, der es auch tun wird. (1. Thessalonicher 5:24)
Faithful is He who calls you, who also will do it. (1 Thes 5:24)

I have been really exhausted physically as the workload becomes heavier. Sometimes, by the end of the day, my Bible reading in the morning feels like something happened two days ago. And while I was having a meeting with my supervisors today, I realised, "hey, it's just Monday, but I feel that it's Thursday now". This is how tiring I am in coping with the work although part of the reasons that I push myself much to complete this is due to my desire to go to Germany. 

I've been picking up German here and there recently although I cannot really spend a good amount of time practising it as I really need to get my PhD done. This includes a lot and a lot of effort. There were moments that I was making fun of myself. "I thought that I come to Europe for the Lord's move, but what am I doing for all the intensive studies here and being isolated from the saints?". Yes, I am so limited in terms of meeting the saints, and my church life is primarily upheld by appointments with the saints, but somehow there is peace within me and the Lord's presence is here with me. I told the Lord a lot of times that I cannot make it, but You have to be faithful to supply me to get through all the process. 

The day marrying Christ - (2)

Following the last post, as brother Nee fellowshipped, "There must be a definite date to our consecration, in the same way that there is a definite date to a girl's marriage." I then realised that I had never consecrated myself in such a way. Of course, when I first heard the gospel and entered into the church life, I wanted to follow the Lord. As I had gone to various meetings and conferences, it is not a new thing for me to "consecrate" myself to the Lord. I had consecrated myself to Him in many things and ways, and when I read this portion, I realised that I had never properly consecrated myself at least once in my life as if I married myself to the Lord.

It so happened that there have been things that I have not been able to get through. So I started to pray to Him and consider the things and the matter of having an absolute consecration to Him. I realised that consecration is closely related to our overcoming life (see the message shared in the last post), and the ability to overcome does not rest upon us. The ability comes from Him and what He had gone through and achieved for us. So I said to the Lord, I'm still hurt, and hurt badly. This affects my energy to work and enjoy the Lord. I have been striving to enjoy the Lord and doing my work. But You know what? I don't intend to struggle anymore. I have the overcoming life in me, and whether I'll still be sad and not having the proper energy to work, it is not my problem. I now make a choice to let You work in me in this matter, and whether I'll be healed or not, it is Your thing now. 

The day marrying Christ -(1)

This evening, I happened to read the Watchman Nee's "Consecration" in Collected Works of Watchman Nee, The (Set 2) Vol. 41, Conferences, messages, and fellowship (1) - message 18.

Several points that I really enjoy.
1) After we experience the overcoming life in us, we then are able to consecrate ourselves.
Many of us think we have consecrated ourselves. However, if we have not experienced the overcoming life, it is not possible to consecrate ourselves- "A Christian first overcomes and then consecrates. If we have broken through in the matter of overcoming, all we have to do today is to consecrate ourselves."

2) The experience of overcoming/victory strengthens us to be obedient to God.
"some think that after one has overcome he does not need to practice obedience anymore. Actually, our overcoming only makes us more able to obey the Lord. Formerly we did not have the strength to obey the Lord. Now that the Lord has accomplished everything for us, we can spontaneously hand over our will and everything to the Lord and allow the Lord to strengthen us with the overcoming life for obedience."

3) The meaning of overcoming/victory- "Victory does not mean just overcoming evil deeds.
Victory means that we no longer live for ourselves but that we live for the Lord while we live on earth every day. We must have the realization that the Lord has purchased us, that we belong to Him, and that we have been married to Him. Those who live in this atmosphere will breathe the heavenly air of holiness. Victory is not a practice of negating things. It is not just a passive deliverance from sin. Victory is an active consecration to the Lord and a fellowship with Him while living on this earth. Unless one reaches this stage, he is not overcoming."

4) Consecrating people, affairs, objects, and ourselves. Amongst them, I am touched by the matter of marrying Christ.
"There must be a definite date to our consecration, in the same way that there is a definite date to a girl's marriage. A girl cannot say, "I think I was married on a certain date." In the same way, we cannot say, "I think I consecrated myself on a certain date." This is something that we need to do before the Lord in a definite way. We should be very clear about this date and never forget it. I consecrated myself to the Lord on February 13, 1922. We can announce our date to others. We can tell those who brought us to the Lord or those who have given us spiritual help. We can even put out an announcement and declare to men as well as to Satan: "I am married to the Lord." Paul said that he had betrothed the Corinthian believers as chaste virgins to the Lord (2 Cor. 11:2)."

My responsibility is to love You

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So when the Lord is working things together for good, my responsibility is to love Him. Lord, thank You for faithfully working Yourself into me in whatever situations I meet. This is the assurance that I can eventually fulfill the calling according to Your wonderful purpose.

Always open to You, and always love You. This is my prayer, Lord.

What are the hindrances for the life to be manifested?

John 10:30; 37-38

"I and the Father are one."

"If I do not do the works of My Father, do not believe Me; But if I do them, even if you do not believe Me, believe the works so that you may come to know and continue to know that the Father is in Me and I am in the Father."

Sometimes in the church life, we think we are focusing on life. Because of this, if the work does not seem effective or bearing fruit, we might say "that's okay, it is a matter of life. If it doesn't work out, then don't be too bothered about it because we're not really focusing on the work".

I wasn't sure whether this kind of attitude is okay or not.

However, this morning when I read John chapter 10, I realise that if we really pay attention to life, the life shall manifest at a certain point in the Lord's work. As Jesus is one with the Father, so whatever He did, people should be able to recognise from the work that the Father is in Jesus, and Jesus is in the Father.

Additionally, I read the booklet "expecting the Lord's blessing" from Watchman Nee. If the Lord does not bless us, whatever we do is in vain.

All of these just remind me of my portion in the Lord's move in Europe. I am at where the Lord has placed me, but am I a hindrance for the Lord to pour out His blessing? How about the people I have been shepherding, is there any fruit coming out from me being one with the Father?

Lord, I do not want to fall into introspection but at the same time, I do not want to be fruitless. You must bless me, and if there is anything hindering Your blessing, shine on me and burn them away. I desire to be a cleansed channel for You to flow out!

The Lord's leading to Germany (in the process)

Sometimes I'm still wondering why the Lord did not keep me in Cardiff. I guess the Lord respects my heart to work in Germany. Since I came to the University of Sussex, the direction of my research changes. I realised that the change of my research discipline can perhaps help me to access the kind of job that Germans wish to employ. As I have been looking into the research jobs in Germany, I feel that my research topics can be of their interests.

At the same time, I have been asking the Lord whether it is His will for me to go to Germany. On the one hand, the people who ask the Lord to thrust out workers into the field have become the workers themselves so I just simply tell the Lord that I have a burden for Germany. On the other hand, I respect the Lord's way so I want to make sure that it is not just me having this desire to go without fellowshipping with Him. 

The previous two days, although I was still quite down, I saw two reports from Stuggart and Trier. Gloria sent pictures of how German saints (the Chemistry teacher) who invited German high school students to the gospel home meeting after they graduated. I looked at the students' shining faces and realised that this is really my heart's desire to make the Lord known to them. Oh Lord, how much I long for this. And another report from the Hernandez is pretty encouraging as well. This summer, almost the same time as the Cheungs, they received the burden to move to Germany. They had borne the burden for a long while and had been learning German. It was a great surprise to know that they have been putting this burden in their heart and pray over it. They just settled everything down in a small city Trier. They got the key to the house near the kids' schools, town centre, and the workplace. They can officially stay in Germany now as residents. Though they will need to travel for several hours to meet the saints, it was really amazing how the Lord has sorted out everything for them. This is the Lord's blessing to the work in Germany. This is what I am asking the Lord as well- not according to my own effort and labour but according to Your blessing. Lord, bless me so that I can work and reside in Germany for Your move. 

The reports really convinced me that the Lord is working out all miracles in Germany, and I do not want to miss this out. Although I still do not know God's plan and leading completely, I would like to trust in Him fully. Lord, work out a way for me to go to Germany! 

A reflection of the half of a year in 2018 before heading off for a break

Dear Lord,

Yesterday I finally got a chance to have a proper break. I give myself at least a week to have a rest. Looking back the past half of a year, I was trying too hard to catch up with my work and balance my church life as well. Then I realised that the work-life balance is a lie. There will never be a balance because the world tries to usurp us with many things, and we often struggle with imperfections in our daily life and work. And most important of all, we need to fight for the church life. In both cases, we often feel that we're not doing good enough. I wish I could have done better in my work, and I wish I could have given myself more to the church life to take care of the young ones. However, the reality is that we struggle a lot and fight for it every day. My attitude now is that we don't need perfectionisms, but we need more Christ and grace daily and hourly.

Because of this, we definitely get tired after a while and we need to have a break from everything else and simply rest physically, mentally, and spiritually.