Run not before Him

Recently, my prayer to the Lord is "Lord, go before me". 

Again when I was trying to take a step forward, I felt anxious about this. Just as I always do- my oversensitive nerves always make me not feel well. I could not fall asleep at night properly. You can not say that I am really anxious, but my super sensitive nerves do not agree. Whenever I want to take a step forward, this always happens. I cannot control. 

This morning, while I was thinking to linger on my bed more due to the lack of sleep at night, my another response was that I shall wake up early because I really need to seek for the Lord at this moment. Then this hymn occurred to me. 

(Hymnal 643) 

Take time to behold Him,

Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.

__________

The Lord keeps reminding me of not running before Him. I am convicted, and whether the step will lead me further or not, I do not know. But dear Lord, in joy or in sorrow, may I still follow You. Make me look up to You and trust in Your Word. 

I also confess that my soul did not align with the Lord. Whenever my nerves get sensitive, my thoughts can go wild. Oh Lord, cause my soul to be calm and let every thought and temper be under Your control. Lord, I want to be led by the Spirit to fountains of love. Regardless of what might happen, dear Lord, may the fountains of love overwhelm me so I will find mercy at whatever You may lead.