Let us sing for joy to Jehovah

Thanks to the menstrual cycle and PMS, I often feel weak for one week or two and come to life afterwards. When you have a weak physical body, it is always not easy to achieve whatever you intend to do. Some work has been piled up during this time. Even when I start feeling better, I can feel overwhelmed just by thinking of all the work before me that needs to be dealt with. 

It is, however, a comfort that when I read many of God's workers in history have had some physical limitations. Many times we might think why the Lord doesn't give us a super healthy body so we can do this and that and to glorify God. We don't ask for a weak body to be seen as a spiritual person, but we do have many "problems" and "thorns" in our daily human life. And this morning, I read Psalm 95. 

verse 1-3: Come, let us sing for joy to Jehovah; Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us make a joyful noise to Him with psalms. For Jehovah is a great God And a great King above all gods. 

The Lord has put limitations to many of us, yet it should not stop us praising God. I am still learning to work and live by the Lord's mercy and grace without feeling much stress so I can faithfully carry out my daily work. And while I feel weak and helpless with many limitations, dear Lord, may You be much closer and dearer to me. 

Tears

I am staying a little bit late this evening at the office.

I guess I just need some time to be with myself. Gina has flown back home, and finally, when I got a chance to pray with her, we both shed a lot of tears for different reasons.

I'll remember the tears. And may this will be close to the end of the suffering. Have mercy on us, Lord.

Run not before Him

Recently, my prayer to the Lord is "Lord, go before me". 

Again when I was trying to take a step forward, I felt anxious about this. Just as I always do- my oversensitive nerves always make me not feel well. I could not fall asleep at night properly. You can not say that I am really anxious, but my super sensitive nerves do not agree. Whenever I want to take a step forward, this always happens. I cannot control. 

This morning, while I was thinking to linger on my bed more due to the lack of sleep at night, my another response was that I shall wake up early because I really need to seek for the Lord at this moment. Then this hymn occurred to me. 

(Hymnal 643) 

Take time to behold Him,

Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.

__________

The Lord keeps reminding me of not running before Him. I am convicted, and whether the step will lead me further or not, I do not know. But dear Lord, in joy or in sorrow, may I still follow You. Make me look up to You and trust in Your Word. 

I also confess that my soul did not align with the Lord. Whenever my nerves get sensitive, my thoughts can go wild. Oh Lord, cause my soul to be calm and let every thought and temper be under Your control. Lord, I want to be led by the Spirit to fountains of love. Regardless of what might happen, dear Lord, may the fountains of love overwhelm me so I will find mercy at whatever You may lead. 

The attitudes while/after confronting failures

(https://www.facebook.com/DoctorKoWJ/videos/396590987628594/)

Just came across this video. It was Dr Ko, the mayor of Taipei, visiting the northeast of Japan where the Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami took place in the year of 2011. The entire region was swept by the tsunami.

Something came to my mind while watching this video. Instead of fixing obvious problems such as houses and buildings, Japan turned the disaster to an opportunity to rebuild the entire region for a better and safer place to live. They had a complete plan for the regional renewal.

I once had an experience. I considered it as a failure, both spiritually and humanly. Even now, whenever I think of it, I feel bad. As a Christian, I should be able to learn things spiritually and humanly as well. I have to learn to eat the difficulties and become as strong as Caleb in the old testament.

Reflection (1) - the eventful May

Since the end of April, I have been busy until today that I can finally have a break and do some reflection. 

Something I have done this month. 

1. One week back home

I took a week away from my work back to Taiwan for dental checks, for chiropractic check, for traditional Chinese clinical check. I wanted to do a thorough health check but the time just wasn't enough for me to complete everything. I enjoyed a little bit of pleasure from nice massage sessions (this included traditional treatments. :) After all these treatments and health checks, I really feel much better from my constant fatigue and pains in my body. I am thankful that the Lord was helping me deal with all these problems in such a limited time. I also visited my companion's mum - she recently passed away so both of us visited her at a cemetery. 

He faileth not, For He is God

He faileth not, for He is God.

"The Lord does not delay regarding the promise, as some count delay, but is long-suffering toward you, not intending that any perish but that all advance to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)"

I have been praying for my housing during the summer as well as the next academic year. Many things seem quite disappointing, and sometimes I don't know what else I can do anymore. However, this morning, I was shepherded by this verse in 2 Peter and being encouraged that His heart towards us is good. In various situations and even in the things regarding His promise, His heart is not to make us perish but so that we can all advance to repentance and gain Him more.

Do not cast away therefore your boldness

I don't mean to be negative- but there have been so many things that frustrate me.

Not only am I under a lot of pressure (housing, work, and so on) but also my companies and I have been praying for the Lord to open a way for us for a long time but nothing happens.

I remember that one day I was just totally falling apart. Too many things that I was trying to sort out did not work and at the same time, the Lord did not open the way as we prayed. I was just so exhausted, so fed up with everything, and not knowing what to do. I just cried and cried a lot. It seemed that my mental capacity had reached the peak that I couldn't even think. Even if I tried to pray, I could not. I didn't know how to pray about the situation. I was just crying out to Him and tell Him that "I really cannot take this anymore, Lord, save me". Well, my wording was far more desperate. I was so desperate to a point that I would rather give up my life just to go through that situation.

I still don't know how the Lord will arrange for me, but I am really tired. Several times this week, I feel that I will not be able to go on in Him unless He shows mercy, and the Lord used the words in Hebrews to encourage me again.

Concerning service

As Christians grow, we started realising what our portions are and what our services shall be. However, as time goes by, the Lord will rise up some environment. Either our identity will change due to the dynamics in a service team changes or we might simply be put into a situation that we cannot do anything we used to do.

Times like this, the Lord often leads us to realise that we shall change our functions and serve Him in a different way instead of holding onto something we used to have and do.

My recent feeling is that I probably don't serve the Lord in the way that I used to do, but I need to serve Him via more prayers.   

Prayers are always needed. And in my current situations, I shall not be frustrated by not being able to serve Him freely. Instead, I shall serve Him with more and more prayers. Even my work is a way of service.

The day marrying Christ - (2)

Following the last post, as brother Nee fellowshipped, "There must be a definite date to our consecration, in the same way that there is a definite date to a girl's marriage." I then realised that I had never consecrated myself in such a way. Of course, when I first heard the gospel and entered into the church life, I wanted to follow the Lord. As I had gone to various meetings and conferences, it is not a new thing for me to "consecrate" myself to the Lord. I had consecrated myself to Him in many things and ways, and when I read this portion, I realised that I had never properly consecrated myself at least once in my life as if I married myself to the Lord.

It so happened that there have been things that I have not been able to get through. So I started to pray to Him and consider the things and the matter of having an absolute consecration to Him. I realised that consecration is closely related to our overcoming life (see the message shared in the last post), and the ability to overcome does not rest upon us. The ability comes from Him and what He had gone through and achieved for us. So I said to the Lord, I'm still hurt, and hurt badly. This affects my energy to work and enjoy the Lord. I have been striving to enjoy the Lord and doing my work. But You know what? I don't intend to struggle anymore. I have the overcoming life in me, and whether I'll still be sad and not having the proper energy to work, it is not my problem. I now make a choice to let You work in me in this matter, and whether I'll be healed or not, it is Your thing now. 

The experience of the inward parts of Christ and a flavour of obedience

The Lord uses various situations and our feelings to expose me as a person who is not constantly living in the inward parts of Christ. As after the Lord's day meeting, when I was on the way to study, a particular thing just came to my mind again and made me really sad. 

How could it be? As I had already dealt with this matter and had a deal with the Lord. How could the feeling come back and haunt me again? More and more, I realised that my old man, especially my soft feelings, always distracted me from taking and living Christ as the reality. 

However, I enjoyed what had been shared in the prophesying meeting and took it into my experience. Yes, I was still sad, and it was indeed hard to come out from that feeling when sadness just overtook me. Though I struggled, the Lord's grace covered me as I shouted: "Hallelujah!". When we aim to enter into the experience of the inward parts of Christ, we need to reject our old man and then also cultivate the feeling of the sense of the Body (this point was being shared in the meeting through different saints). This requires our "obedience" to Him. 

I amen the point that we need to be obedient to Him. As this is my experience as well. Without my cooperation with the Lord, He doesn't have a way, and he doesn't want to make home in our heart when we are not willing. It is because making home in our heart means to rearrange and remold our inward being as the way He likes. 

So I'm writing this as a reminder to myself. Lord, You know my consecration. Instead of wasting Your time and my time, I would like to exercise my being to take Your will as mine and Your inward parts as mine by adding a flavour of obedience to You and by me rejecting the old man. Lord, may You permeate in me so that I can really be used by You for Your eternal economy. 

the character of the Lord's worker- not being subjective

It's funny that most of the times when I read the ministry, I thought I knew something. But afterward when I started learning it in my experience, I realised that I knew nothing about a particular lesson. And the lesson concerning being not subjective as a Lord's worker is one of the many examples. 

Actually, it is hard to be not subjective. A person who is generally soft and brings harmony among the people might think he or she is not subjective. It is a danger that we think in this way. We can still be very subjective even if we are people who maintain harmony with others. 

It is again a lesson that takes the breaking of the outer man. The breaking often leaves a mark so that we will be not subjective. I know that there are still so much to learn, but I really open to You, Lord. I want to learn spiritual lessons quicker so that You can gain me as a useful vessel.  

May You have a way in me, and through me, You have a way to others as well. Most important of all, may all the experiences we learn and grow will contribute to the Body of Christ. I admit my limitations to see the Body of Christ in full. However, as I grow in You more, I will see and experience more of the reality. Eventually, all these knowing and experiences will mature us and bring You back. 

I love You, Lord! 

A reflection concerning the character of the Lord's worker

I mean, this is not my first time reading this book. However, the Lord has been exposing my weaknesses as a Lord's worker.

Recently, I have a deep realisation that I'm such a soft person- way too soft. My emotion is easily touched by things and persons, and this very point weakens my work as well. When I said being touched by things and persons, it can mean even positive feelings. Regardless of the positive or negative feelings I sense, they are just as shakable and cannot be used by God.

As many have thought that I'm a relatively stable person, well, I thought that as well until the Lord exposes me. However, I am thankful that the light has come to me now better than later. I do desire to be turned to a real "Peter" who eventually became a stable and solid person who God can use.

"We must remember the principle that God secures ministers before He builds the church. God first looks for ministers, and then He builds the church. The doors in many places can only be opened when God finds suitable and usable ministers. If His ministers and servants are not stable and reliable, these doors will not be opened".

"Thank God that Peter saw his weakness through his failure. His fall was severe and his failure great. He went away and wept. He knew that he could not make it by himself. Many brothers and sisters are likewise fully conscious of their own weakness, instability, and frailty. Let us pray to the Lord, saying, "Lord, I cannot make it!" Many people pray for light, yet very often great failures are a source of great light. These failures can provide as much a light as a severe rebuke or a seething message. A man should prostrate himself before God's word. He should prostrate himself before a severe rebuke. Likewise, he should prostrate himself before a serious failure. Such a failure is a light in itself. God shows through failures the kind of person one is. Peter wept bitterly. But God's mercy was upon him, and he became a real "Peter." He was changed from a weak and shaking person to a solid and stable person, and the door of Pentecost was opened through him. May the Lord be gracious to us so that we will witness a change in our character. Our character has to be changed, and the Lord can change our character. A lazy man can be changed into a diligent man; a talkative man can be changed into a man of few words; an insensitive man can be changed into a man who listens; a man who is afraid of sufferings can be changed into one who is fearless in the face of sufferings; a man who cannot control his body can be changed into one who is a master of his body. In the same way, a weak, shaky, and wobbly man can be changed into a strong, stable, and unwavering man. May the Lord have mercy on us."

Lord, have mercy! Amen. 

A new beginning with the Lord in 2019

I'm glad that 2018 had come to an end. It is officially the year of 2019. It was a great kickoff to pray with the saints in Stuggart throughout the new year and had a foretaste of the German craziness via watching them setting off fireworks. I am very thankful that the Lord has set out many opportunities for us to have a new beginning with Him.

2018 had been really tough for me for so many reasons. When I had a brief reflection on the 1st day of 2019, the Lord reminded me that I can simply forget the things behind and left all things (good and bad) in 2018 and move forward without hindrances. So far I have enjoyed some sweet blending, a prayer meeting and a sister meeting at Stuggart. It is a great start and for this, I thank You, Lord.

Interestingly, I came across these verses in Deuteronomy chapter 11 and it helps me to consecrate myself to the Lord freshly again.

11:11-16

But the land into which you are crossing over to possess is a land of mountains and valleys; by virtue of heaven's rain, it drinks in water. It is a land which Jehovah your God cares for; always the eyes of Jehovah your God are upon it, from the beginning of the year even to the end of the year. And if you are certain to listen to my commandments, which I am commanding you today, to love Jehovah your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, I will give rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the late rain, so that you may gather your grain and your new wine and your fresh oil. And I will put grass in your field for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. Be careful lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and bow down to them,

11:24    

Every place on which the sole of your foot treads will be yours; from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the river Euphrates, even to the farmost sea will be your territory.

11:31-32

For you are about to cross over the Jordan to enter and possess the land which Jehovah your God is giving you; and you will possess it and dwell in it. Therefore be certain to do all the statutes and judgments that I am setting before you today.

Oh Lord, thank You for encouraging me with these verses. May the year 2019 be an advancement in gaining my coordination to realise Your promise!

The Lord's leading to Germany (in the process)

Sometimes I'm still wondering why the Lord did not keep me in Cardiff. I guess the Lord respects my heart to work in Germany. Since I came to the University of Sussex, the direction of my research changes. I realised that the change of my research discipline can perhaps help me to access the kind of job that Germans wish to employ. As I have been looking into the research jobs in Germany, I feel that my research topics can be of their interests.

At the same time, I have been asking the Lord whether it is His will for me to go to Germany. On the one hand, the people who ask the Lord to thrust out workers into the field have become the workers themselves so I just simply tell the Lord that I have a burden for Germany. On the other hand, I respect the Lord's way so I want to make sure that it is not just me having this desire to go without fellowshipping with Him. 

The previous two days, although I was still quite down, I saw two reports from Stuggart and Trier. Gloria sent pictures of how German saints (the Chemistry teacher) who invited German high school students to the gospel home meeting after they graduated. I looked at the students' shining faces and realised that this is really my heart's desire to make the Lord known to them. Oh Lord, how much I long for this. And another report from the Hernandez is pretty encouraging as well. This summer, almost the same time as the Cheungs, they received the burden to move to Germany. They had borne the burden for a long while and had been learning German. It was a great surprise to know that they have been putting this burden in their heart and pray over it. They just settled everything down in a small city Trier. They got the key to the house near the kids' schools, town centre, and the workplace. They can officially stay in Germany now as residents. Though they will need to travel for several hours to meet the saints, it was really amazing how the Lord has sorted out everything for them. This is the Lord's blessing to the work in Germany. This is what I am asking the Lord as well- not according to my own effort and labour but according to Your blessing. Lord, bless me so that I can work and reside in Germany for Your move. 

The reports really convinced me that the Lord is working out all miracles in Germany, and I do not want to miss this out. Although I still do not know God's plan and leading completely, I would like to trust in Him fully. Lord, work out a way for me to go to Germany! 

His petition concerning us causes us not to fail in faith

Luke 22:32 But I have made petition concerning you that your faith would not fail; and you, once you have turned again, establish your brothers.

While eating the Passover feast, the Lord revealed His death to the disciples. And the time when the Lord speaking concerning the disciples and Peter would be stumbled by His death (footnote 1), the record in Luke specifically mentions Simon in the conversations. "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has asked to have you all to sift you as wheat. But I have made petition concerning you that your faith would not fail; and you, once you have turned again, establish your brothers" (Luke 22: 31-32).

While I read it this morning, I felt the Lord's humanity is sweet and tender toward us. He really knows the healing art.

For example, sometimes I fail in big things, and I trouble myself afterwards. I say to myself, I am a Christian, and why did I fail like this? Was I not being spiritual and not relying on You enough? I can blame myself a lot. Even when I'm encouraged to get over my self-condemnation, it can come back to me again and again. Oh, but my Saviour Lord, He knows that we're going to fail, and He has made petition for us. On our behalf, even before we fail, He was there overseeing and praying for us. Eventually, our failure is not to cause us to turn away from Him but cause us to turn ourselves to Him so that we can establish our fellow believers.

Many times, this is also our experience. We might still be in tears and find it hard to love Him because of our failures. We might be very disappointed about who we are and find it difficult to go on. When we do serve, we doubt ourselves and wonder, Lord, am I still qualified to serve You and follow You?

Oh, He knows, and not only so, what we are going through can be used to establish others. We can fail, but not fail in faith. We might fail for a short while, but not forever. The one remains forever is Himself- the embodiment of the Word and His lovingkindness (Psalm 136; Luke 21:33)

Lord, thank You for having petition for me before I fail. I shall forget the past, and simply focus on You alone. Your intention is not to remove my foreseen failures but to give Yourself to me even more. Cause me always turn my heart to You whenever I feel that I am strong or weak. When my heart turns, You have a way in me and even to others. I love You, Lord.


________________________________________________
*footnote 1: The timing here in Matthew and Mark is different from Luke and John. In Matthew 26:30-35 Mark 14:26-31, Jesus and disciplines went out to the Mount of Olives, and the conversations concerning disciples and Peter would be stumbled followed. Whereas in Luke 22:31-39 and John 13:30-38 indicated the conversations were in the midst of the Passover feast. The record in John did not even mention about their going out to the Mount of Olives.

A getaway to Eastbourne (2) - A burial

Apart from taking a break from my daily routine, one of my purposes to have this trip to Eastbourne is actually to hold a burial for something. I collected some things and ready to burn them and bury them in Eastbourne. This is my offering Issac to the Lord. I'm not trying to make it religious. However, I realised that I didn't take a decent action to make it serious enough so I still struggle. I had already offered my "Issac" to Him, but I realised that I need to take a serious action in order to really "cross the red sea and never go back".

I wrote something on the back of my document, and turned to the front and gave a kiss to it. I know it was my treasure, but it had been bothering me for so long. I gave it a kiss and burned it along with something else that will remind me of it.

A getaway to Eastbourne (1) - Walking on the seaside

Finally got a chance to be so close to the sea :) Nature has the best healing power.

Comparing to Brighton, I probably like Eastbourne better. It's not as young and energetic as Brighton, but there are definitely fewer people lying on the beach so I could enjoy more private space for my own. Known as a retirement city, there are not so many young people who are going to do a lot of exciting activities on the beach. I enjoy the serenity of the site.

His promise for two things

Recently I've been asking for two main things concerning my future direction. And the reason why I needed to ask Him about these two matters during this particular time is that first, I was struggling and hurt by a certain matter. Without His Rhema Word I cannot go on properly with boldness. And second, these two years will be the best time for me to prepare for these two things. I need to make sure that what I am doing now is with His blessing and He has to grant me the energy to do it.

Previously I just prayed about these two matters but not really asked about the Rhema Words from Him. This time I asked, and I've got these verses from Him in my Bible reading time.

Luke 10:1-4
Now after these things, the Lord appointed seventy others and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to come. Ans He said to them, The harvest is great, but the workers few; therefore, beseech the Lord of the harvest that He would thrust out workers into His harvest. Go; behold, I send you as lambs in the midst of wolves. Do not carry a purse, nor a bag, nor sandals; and greet no one on the way. 

"After these things" was recorded by Luke chapter 9. At the end of chapter 9, there were several verses talking about "following the Lord". The Lord spoke to people involved in different situations, He literally called them out of whatever they concerned. He called them to follow Him. And then chapter 10 follows to demonstrate how the Lord sent these disciplines out for His work.

I was originally a bit concerned about whether I should be the person who initiates the Lord's "sending" me to a place that I'm burdened for. However, I shouldn't fall into introspection. What I need to do the most is to pray, to beseech the Lord when I see the need.

In the Cambridge dictionary, to beseech is to ask for something in a way that shows you need it very much.

I've already seen the need, and I have some feeling about this place. What I need is to ask the Lord that I need to join this work very much. I need it because He needs it even more. This is part of His fulfilment of His Word. This corresponds to a ministry portion I've read recently in Samuel life-study. Hannah's prayer might be seemingly human but her prayer matches the need of the Lord. Who needs this prayer the most? God or Hannah? Of course, it is God. Without Hannah's prayer, God has no channel on the earth that He can work. God's needing of Hannah's prayer is even bigger than Hannah's need to have a son. Additionally, because of Hannah's prayer is one with the Lord's will, that's why it is answered by God.

We need to be the ones who mingle ourselves to be one with the Lord's will. Then our desire will be His desire and His desire is ours.

Also, the Lord doesn't send people one by one. Praise the Lord, He's gonna send me with a companion. 




 

The dump spirit has been cast out

Luke 11:14  "And once He was casting out a demon, and it was dumb. And when the demon had gone out, the dumb man spoke, and the crowds marveled".

Speaking for God and speaking forth God is really a spiritual matter. There was a period of time that I found myself not being able to prophesy on the Lord's day meetings as well as speaking God in the small gatherings. I was not so sure what was going on with me. I did have the enjoyment of God during the week and I served the saints by reading or praying together during the weekdays as well. But somehow, I just couldn't speak Him.

I knew that during that time, I was bothered by a certain matter, and I noticed a saint was bothered by that matter as well. So both of us would not be able to speak for the Lord during that time. Now I know what was going on during that time. Both of us were possessed by the dumb spirit. And now, by the Lord's great mercy, we are able to overcome that matter. And now we can speak Him.

Praise the Lord. Do not let us be possessed by the dumb spirit anymore. You have set us free!

An Education for the Spread of the Lord’s Recovery

Brother Witness Lee spoke many times about the importance of education. However, as many of us pursue higher degrees and further training, we may begin to lose sight of why we set out to obtain such an education in the first place. In A Blessed Human Life, Brother Witness Lee touches on these points and reminds us that everything we do should be with a view to the Lord’s move on the earth.

You all are studying hard, longing for and striving toward successfully completing your education. For this, I ask the Lord to bless you all that each one of you may be successful in completing your education. However, I would ask you, after you have completed your education, what are you going to do?

The Bible says that among God’s people there were great resolutions in heart, and there were also great searchings of heart (Judg. 5:15-16). For whom did they have great resolutions and great searchings? A person of aspiration, though he lives on the earth, always turns his heart to the Lord. We should have great resolutions in heart and great searchings of heart toward God. May all the young people, starting from today, be willing to have great resolutions and great searchings of heart. May today be the day that you have a great resolve and make a great plan. Some may ask, what is the purpose of having a great resolve and a great searching? It is to live for God on the earth. [Living for God] means to receive God as your life for your entire life. God will lead you to express Him on this earth by going to every place, every country, and every nation to testify on His behalf and to lead people to know Him. (pp 40-41)

Once we have resolved that our education is simply to make us more useful to the Lord and His economy, Brother Witness Lee encourages us to go. He does not ask if we will go, but where we will go.

Every letter sent to us from the major continents all over the globe has fellowshipped with us regarding the need for people to go. But where are the people? We do not have enough people even to meet the need of Taiwan, or even just Taipei, not to mention the whole earth. Where are the people? (p 53)

Where will you go – to Africa, South America, Central America, North America, Eastern Europe, or Western Europe? We can pray to the Lord, “O Lord, where should I go? O Lord, where do You want me to go?” May we all answer the Lord, “O Lord, here am I; send me.” (p 58)

Hallelujah – we are not wandering aimlessly through our educational programs, but living for the Lord and to Him for His increase and spread on the earth!

Source of article link Living to Him (http://livingtohim.com/2010/12/an-education-for-the-spread-of-the-lord%E2%80%99s-recovery/)