The day marrying Christ - (2)

Following the last post, as brother Nee fellowshipped, "There must be a definite date to our consecration, in the same way that there is a definite date to a girl's marriage." I then realised that I had never consecrated myself in such a way. Of course, when I first heard the gospel and entered into the church life, I wanted to follow the Lord. As I had gone to various meetings and conferences, it is not a new thing for me to "consecrate" myself to the Lord. I had consecrated myself to Him in many things and ways, and when I read this portion, I realised that I had never properly consecrated myself at least once in my life as if I married myself to the Lord.

It so happened that there have been things that I have not been able to get through. So I started to pray to Him and consider the things and the matter of having an absolute consecration to Him. I realised that consecration is closely related to our overcoming life (see the message shared in the last post), and the ability to overcome does not rest upon us. The ability comes from Him and what He had gone through and achieved for us. So I said to the Lord, I'm still hurt, and hurt badly. This affects my energy to work and enjoy the Lord. I have been striving to enjoy the Lord and doing my work. But You know what? I don't intend to struggle anymore. I have the overcoming life in me, and whether I'll still be sad and not having the proper energy to work, it is not my problem. I now make a choice to let You work in me in this matter, and whether I'll be healed or not, it is Your thing now. 

I felt released after having such a prayer. And I proceeded to confess my tiredness to Him and I read these wonderful verses in 2 Corinthians 11:2-3, "For I am jealous over you with a jealousy of God; for I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. But I fear lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your thoughts would be corrupted from the simplicity and the purity toward Christ". I don't know about others, but as an adult myself, I feel that considering things just for survival and the future is also something that replaces Him. I don't mean that I don't love the Lord, but the Lord has been using various ways to expose that there are still things that I desire more than Christ. I confessed that to Him as well. And this time, when I consecrated, I did it with tears and pains. After knowing who I really am and what I still have in mind and find it difficult to let go, I choose You, Lord. Keep me, in good times and bad times. Keep me, for I don't know whether I'll make it to the end and still be faithful. I don't know many things, but I know that I want You. 

So I proposed to the Lord. I know He's been courting me but I had never responded to Him seriously. I ordered an engagement ring to remind me of my vow, and this hymn happened to come into the scene via my SoundCloud (http://tinyurl.com/y2ddzs2l). 

1. Lord, Thou hast won, at length I yield;
My heart by mighty grace compelled
Surrenders all to Thee;
Against Thy terrors long I strove,
But who can stand against Thy love?
Love conquers even me.

2. If Thou hadst bid Thy thunders roll,
And light’nings flash, to blast my soul,
I still had stubborn been;
But mercy has my heart subdued,
A bleeding Savior I have viewed,
And now I hate my sin.

3. Now, Lord, I would be Thine alone,
Come, take possession of Thine own,
For Thou hast set me free;
Released from Satan’s hard command,
See all my powers waiting stand,
To be employed by Thee.

______________________________

To be honest, the recent things that had happened to me, I know they are from Him. Many times I thought He's just been so evil to watch me suffering, and not only so, He had allowed more things to come just to deepen my sorrow. On the one hand, I'm still sorrowful. On the other hand, I know He desires to gain me more so that He allows things to happen in order to make me a pure virgin to Him. I don't want to know too much, and I guess it's a blessing that I don't know too much concerning what's before me. I simply give myself to Him and now we have a definite engagement day (16th of Feb 2019), an engagement hymn, and an engagement ring on the way.