Sustain me, Lord

Sometimes we think that in order to care for the Body of Christ, we should pray the prayers that are sheerly for the saints, the church. However, I am realising a little bit more that as a member of the Body, I shall also pray for myself. 

 I pray "Lord, sustain me so that I can pray as an appointed watchman who reminds You until You establish and until You make Jerusalem a praise in the earth (Isa 62:6-7)".

"Lord, sustain me so Your interests on the earth can be cared for. Care for me so that I can lay the track for You to come back. Let not the busyness, tiredness, and various stress consume me. Lord, preserve me so I can be a part to fulfill Your heart's desire". 

Lord, I entrust my life to You. Be the strength within and the power without so that I can go on as the going on of the Body. 

Have mercy on me, Lord

A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench until He brings forth justice unto victory. (Matthew 12:10 )

At times when tears and sighing never can be exhausted and when the weaknesses and disappointments attack again and again. 

Oh Lord, make your promise firm.

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, Oh that you would richly bless me and enlarge my border, and that Your hand would be with me, and that You would so keep me from evil that it would not grieve me! And God caused what he had requested to come to pass (1Chronicles 4:10)

My responsibility is to love You

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So when the Lord is working things together for good, my responsibility is to love Him. Lord, thank You for faithfully working Yourself into me in whatever situations I meet. This is the assurance that I can eventually fulfill the calling according to Your wonderful purpose.

Always open to You, and always love You. This is my prayer, Lord.

Longing for a deeper union with You

My Saviour,

I reckoned the reason that I had no rest is because of my analysing of a thing that bothers me.

I turned my eyes from the Lord and focused on myself. There is where the trouble comes. I realised that I was so busy in my soul wondering and analysing instead of coming to Him for such a rest.

I love Him, I love my Saviour.
I seek for the deeper union with Him.
I then had a sense that I should utterly give up myself. Giving up all the strength from my own self, and render and rest in Him completely. This is my recognition that He is my Lord, and He provides whatever I may need.

This morning, I come to the books written by Madame Guyon. These are "Sweet Smelling Myrrh" and "A short and easy method of prayer". These books helped me seek for a deeper union with the Lord within instead of the outward work alone- I've been actively outwardly, or, been busy in my soul.

These methods of prayers are so intuitive and simple. This echoes my deep longing to pray like this but somehow my soul tells me that I should pray in a certain way in order to please the Lord. Oh Lord, what a mistake. We can learn all the methods to approach You, but what You want the most is to mingle Yourself with us. Oh Lord, how much I have been grieving Your heart.

Gain my heart fully today so I can seek such a union with You. You can thus be satisfied.

Oh Christ!

I've heard a lot that Christ is the reality and He is the answer to many things that we're experiencing. But recently I realised that my praises to Christ and my cooperation in living Christ are much to do with whether I have difficulties or not. When the outward environment is somewhat okay for me to endure, I can still praise Christ and endeavour to live Christ. 

So recently (over a couple of months) I felt that I've been suppressed by some troubles in my heart, and I had been praying a lot and spending a lot more time with the Lord. Talk to Him all the time. But somehow the things I was concerned just wouldn't let me go. It just kept coming back again and again and again. And I told the Lord, I've been telling people around me that I'm a Christian. it will not be a good testimony if I go crazy. I told the Lord the potential solutions that He can do for me. I'm not trying to interfere, but in order to get me out of the troublesome mind, perhaps You can talk to me, comfort me, and blah blah blah. 

But then the messages on day 1 and 2 (week three) really supply me. In John 14:19 Yet a little while and the world beholds Me no longer, but you behold Me; because I live you also shall live. Somehow my heart just melted when I saw this verse. I realised that Lord, I cannot live a life like worldly people do. The people in the world do not care about Christ. They behold Christ no longer, but I have to be the one who beholds Christ. And also it is my lifeline to behold Christ because it says 'I live you also shall live'. 

So then connecting to the message on day 1, the Lord just exposed me that I've been putting my love and attention to so many other things. They might be seemingly good, but they are not Christ. Lord, am I going to stumble people if I do this? Lord, shall I go to Germany for Your move. I think I should. Hum, maybe I need to publish papers like this and do research like that and I will find a job in Germany. And many many other things. But I forgot to behold and live Christ.  

'Living Christ requires that we love Him to the uttermost. As we are engaged in our daily activities, our living should not be those activities but Christ. Our mind should be concentrated on Christ, but the concentration of our mind on Christ depends upon our love for Christ. This is the reason that the New Testament charges us to love Christ. If we do not love Christ, we cannot live Him; loving Him is the best way to concentrate our entire being on Him...We need Christ to captivate us to an extent that even in our dreams we would live Christ' (The conclusion of the new testament pp.3486). 

So praise the Lord, He intentionally got me into these concerns so that I could learn that even my loving the Lord still pretty much fluctuates with the environment, and my living Christ has been shallow. I really really need to practise this. Loving the Lord with my full attention so that I can live Christ. 

Oh my love, come back quickly

These two days my heart was slightly bothered by some things. Although I might have some desires of my own, at the end of the day, He is who I really need and want. It was actually a cry out from within that I just wanted to touch Him and enjoy His very presence.

So after dinner, after I finished cooking my lunchbox for tomorrow, I came back to my room and sang to Him (Lord, how long). One stanza touched me deeply, it went:


The universe, in it we see,In the sweetest touch of Thee,
You’re my choice and my destiny, destiny.
Lord, whate’er the price may be,
Lord, Amen, let it be!
Oh, my Love, please come back quickly!

Come, Lord Jesus,
Please come, dear Bridegroom;
Precious One, come soon, come soon.
Lord, consume me!
Oh Lord, don’t let me stray,
Faithful to You all the way.

Lord, there might be many things which I don't understand now, and I'm not so sure how to go on as well. But thank You Lord since the day I chose You, I have no other ways but to follow You absolutely. Lord, thank You that I can love You and simply present my whole being for Your move here. Strengthen me, supply me, and take me through the process. I love You :)

I choose life

I've been "seriously" wrtiting up my dissertation since the begining of Agugust, and of course, I've been prepraring the research since the begining of this year. A lot of try and error involved in the process. So in these two days, probably because I'm aware that it's my final stage of my dissertation, I become too relax and my mind isn't that sharp anymore (I think researchers know what I'm talking about...). And as I get more relaxed, my mind started wondering around many things. That's probably why I felt dull this morning. 

Before I came to the bible, I firstly asked the Lord what's going on with the dull feeling. And as I asked Him to clense me, I got a feeling that I just need to put aside everything, even my feelings, just come to Him as who I am. He's a living person, and I'm ready to seek Him. Seek and I shall find.

The "Open to Him" exercise

For whether we live, we live to the Lord, and whether we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore whether we live or we die, we are the Lord's. (Romans 14:8)

My phone disappeared yesterday. I rarely dropped stuff so I don't know whether it was someone took it or I simply just being careless and dropped it on the road. Anyways, this morning when I woke up, the first thing I was aware of was the uneasiness and self condemnation about...my phone. I called upon the Lord's name and still felt bothered. Then I was reminded, "hey, I'm not even living to my phone, I'm living to God. I'm a vessel and I should simply open to Him." Yes, I'm a human being and will certainly be bothered by this. However, this time is for the Lord, and nothing should be allowed to disturb my time with Him. 

You never change

The progress of my essay doesn't work very well. I also went back to check but felt not confident about what I've written. I felt an anxiety attack occurred to me (but most likely was due to my PMS). I told the Lord "I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to do it and I feel really bad, please comfort me". Then the verse I read yesterday came to me. 

And do not be fashioned according to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and well pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Joy unspeakable and full of glory

Dissertation is hard, and the progress somehow cannot go any faster although I've tried. Reading Matthew chpter 3 today, and this lovely verse came to me.

And behold, a voice out of the heavens, saying, This is My Son, the Beloved, in whom I have found My delight. (Matt. 3:17)

While prayreading it, I enjoyed that the Son is "the Beloved" and also it is in the Son that the Father has found His delight. 

My prayer was, Lord, make me hide in this lovely One so you can also find Your delight in me. I admit most of the time I'm just a sinner. My thoughts, my attitudes, my concerns....all who I am is disappointing, but hiding in this wonderful One covers all these. 

Having been divinely instructed

Now I come back to Matthew for my personl bible study. One thing interesting captured me.

And because they (magi) had been divinely instructed in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed by another way to their country. (Matt. 2:12)

But because he (Joseph) heard that Archelaus was reigning over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there; and having been divinely instructed in a dream, he departed into the regions of Galilee. (Matt. 2:22)

The hungry ones

Yesterday I just listened the message concerning "open vessels", and this morning the Lord again reinforced this point through my morning revival.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Matt. 5:6)

The hungry He has filled with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty. (Luke 1:53)

Just as the message I listened yesterday, the message I read this morning talks about the first condition for spiritual growth in a Christian is hunger. We have to learn to be hungry so that the Lord has a way to fill us and bless us. This is God's principle. There must be an empty and open vessel so He's able to fill.

Hunger is the drive for us to search for food. As the Lord said in Luke 11:9.

The apostles are "open vessels" and ready to be burned

Enjoying the message here concerning how to dispense life to young people (but I guess it can be applied to general services, too).

For which cause I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. (2 Tim 1:6)
In the brother's sharing, one thing that touches me the most is that our being must be "fanned into flame". We need the fire burning within us so that we can serve. What is the requirement to fan into flame the gift of God? Practically speaking it is not even calling on the Lord's name or whatsoever, The requirement is that we have to learn to be open. The apostles are the "open vessels". Therefore, they can learn how to follow the Lord because they are open. Being open also implies being empty.

Oh Lord, cause me to be open and empty to you even though I'm really busy these days, and I need to concern where to meet the financial need. I just open and love you. Lead me in my fellowship with You, Lord.