Oh Christ!

I've heard a lot that Christ is the reality and He is the answer to many things that we're experiencing. But recently I realised that my praises to Christ and my cooperation in living Christ are much to do with whether I have difficulties or not. When the outward environment is somewhat okay for me to endure, I can still praise Christ and endeavour to live Christ. 

So recently (over a couple of months) I felt that I've been suppressed by some troubles in my heart, and I had been praying a lot and spending a lot more time with the Lord. Talk to Him all the time. But somehow the things I was concerned just wouldn't let me go. It just kept coming back again and again and again. And I told the Lord, I've been telling people around me that I'm a Christian. it will not be a good testimony if I go crazy. I told the Lord the potential solutions that He can do for me. I'm not trying to interfere, but in order to get me out of the troublesome mind, perhaps You can talk to me, comfort me, and blah blah blah. 

But then the messages on day 1 and 2 (week three) really supply me. In John 14:19 Yet a little while and the world beholds Me no longer, but you behold Me; because I live you also shall live. Somehow my heart just melted when I saw this verse. I realised that Lord, I cannot live a life like worldly people do. The people in the world do not care about Christ. They behold Christ no longer, but I have to be the one who beholds Christ. And also it is my lifeline to behold Christ because it says 'I live you also shall live'. 

So then connecting to the message on day 1, the Lord just exposed me that I've been putting my love and attention to so many other things. They might be seemingly good, but they are not Christ. Lord, am I going to stumble people if I do this? Lord, shall I go to Germany for Your move. I think I should. Hum, maybe I need to publish papers like this and do research like that and I will find a job in Germany. And many many other things. But I forgot to behold and live Christ.  

'Living Christ requires that we love Him to the uttermost. As we are engaged in our daily activities, our living should not be those activities but Christ. Our mind should be concentrated on Christ, but the concentration of our mind on Christ depends upon our love for Christ. This is the reason that the New Testament charges us to love Christ. If we do not love Christ, we cannot live Him; loving Him is the best way to concentrate our entire being on Him...We need Christ to captivate us to an extent that even in our dreams we would live Christ' (The conclusion of the new testament pp.3486). 

So praise the Lord, He intentionally got me into these concerns so that I could learn that even my loving the Lord still pretty much fluctuates with the environment, and my living Christ has been shallow. I really really need to practise this. Loving the Lord with my full attention so that I can live Christ.