Yesterday I finally got a chance to have a proper break. I give myself at least a week to have a rest. Looking back the past half of a year, I was trying too hard to catch up with my work and balance my church life as well. Then I realised that the work-life balance is a lie. There will never be a balance because the world tries to usurp us with many things, and we often struggle with imperfections in our daily life and work. And most important of all, we need to fight for the church life. In both cases, we often feel that we're not doing good enough. I wish I could have done better in my work, and I wish I could have given myself more to the church life to take care of the young ones. However, the reality is that we struggle a lot and fight for it every day. My attitude now is that we don't need perfectionisms, but we need more Christ and grace daily and hourly.
Because of this, we definitely get tired after a while and we need to have a break from everything else and simply rest physically, mentally, and spiritually.
It's probably quite intuitive that we have to rest physically and mentally. However, in the previous
half of a year, I also have had, to me, a terrible experience. It was really tough, and I know that even if I share with my close fellow sisters, they might not necessarily know the feeling. I then leave this matter to the Lord. People have their thoughts on this matter, but only the Lord knows my heart and struggles. I'm not perfect, neither, and the Lord covers me in the matter. Over the term, I'm recovered to pursue Him once again. Though probably not much, I realised that in order to follow the Lord, I really need to take care of the lesson of bearing the cross. Only when our outer man is broken can we release our inner man and be useful to the Lord.
Strangely, after that certain matter happened to me and I struggled, many sisters around me, to some extent, also suffer the similar situations. I then realise that my suffering is not in vain. My turning to the Lord through that suffering is to release the life within so that I can supply my fellow sisters. The Lord needs the increase of Christ in the church life, and I have to be a person who is ready to exercise my spirit in every situation. If I don't turn to the Lord in that particular situation and exercise my spirit, I gain nothing from the Lord but only suffering. However, if I turn to the Lord and exercise my spirit, a little bit more Christ will be wrought into me, and I can supply those who are in the same situation. By so doing, everyone is encouraged and is gaining Christ more and more. Although sometimes that matter comes back to haunt me, I am still thankful to the Lord that I can gain more of Him and know how shakable I am if I don't stand firm and make my spirit the strongest part of my being. For this, I thank You and love You.
I guess the Lord really has to break me so that He has a way. Recently, almost naturally, the Lord has a way to start the Bible study on campus and bringing more people to Brighton. Later, I will also meet up with a contact in Brighton. If the Lord needs a channel for Him, the channel has to be clean and pure without any mixture. I thank the Lord although every now and then some thoughts would come in to frustrate me. This is like a thorn in Paul that made him humble and dared not to be proud. Sometimes the thought just made me realise how fleshy I am, and I have to flee to my spirit again, again, and again. Day by day, Lord, make my spirit strong in You!
Anyways, I love You, Lord. Thank You for the past half of a year. Supply me and uphold me while You are working Yourself into me in Your way.
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