Happy Birthday Kate- On the day of 30.

I have too much to reflect on my 20s but I've been busy for the entire day to attend a government event arranged by MOST (Ministry of Science and Technology), and I'm now on the way home via Gatwick Express. 

Considering my 20s, I made a really crazy decision. I heard about the Lord's move to Europe so I decided to come and follow the One I love. I have been struggling in different things- finance, relationships, and the doubt with my ability to become an academic. To the best of my knowledge during that time, I knew that I had no other way to stay in Europe unless I study and become a scholar. 

And today, even on the day of my 30, I still struggle in many of these things. I have to say, the year 2018 is a year that I shed many many tears. I lost count of them, but by the Lord's mercy, I can still love Him. I cannot be confident in myself at all since I know that if without the Lord's mercy, I will definitely fall. Then, by the end of the year, I become much and much busier. The time that I spend with the Lord is less but deep inside of my heart, there is a longing and crying to Him- Lord, I still love You. 

I do not know what is going to happen in my 30s, but Lord, I need Your unreserved self to be with me, to supply me, to encourage me, and become everything I need. I know there are still going to be difficulties and tears. Nevertheless, Lord, increase Yourself even more day by day. 

I love You Lord, and I'm glad that I had "wasted" myself on You in my 20s. I'm glad that I had chosen to follow Your move here although it wasn't my direct vision. I followed because I heard about the encouraging report concerning Europe. Now, I still don't know where to go and how to live my human life but do encourage me to "waste" myself on You in my 30s. 

I love You and I want to follow Your footstep to Germany. Strengthen me, Lord! 

Before 30

I'm feeling weired.

However, when I look back, I realised the decision to come to UK for PhD, with a heart for Your move in Europe is such a wonderful thing. It might seem that I've spent my 20s for nothing and I've wasted my time, energy, and youth. But I'm willing to waste myself on You, Lord.

Make my 30s for You as well. Lord, I'm quit scared, but please hold my hands tightly and lead me on. I trust myself in Your wonderful self. Praise You!

The sufferings that comfort many

This morning a sister overseas called me for some fellowship and prayer. I listened and shared a little bit my struggles as well. I didn't mean to teach or exhort anything but simply shared what I'm going through, and surprisingly, it became a comfort to her. 

The year 2018 is not the best year for me, and especially the 2nd half of the year has been a disaster. I cannot remember how many tears I've shed before Him, but I know that He knows. 

Oh, He knows. 

2 King 4:8-37 has been a comfort to me. 

To anyone else who asks, my answer is "It is well" (v. 26), but I can feel free to cling to Him, talk to Him until He follows me (vv. 27,28,30). Many things and people can disappoint me, but I can flee to Him. 

Thank You Lord, I praise You!