Happy birthday and a new consecration

I  rose up this morning feeling a bit tired. After my daily routine, I went out for catching the bus, and finally when I sat down in the waiting room at Polegate station. I turned on my phone searching for the life-study programme today and realised, "Aww, it's my birthday".

It's really not a special day. I still have work to do, and I woke up early as usual. I don't feel energetic because, well, you know, ladies have their monthly visitor.

However, it's kinda special because this year will be the very last year for my 20s. Having thought about how I've been through my 20s, it's really the grace of God. The best thing of my 20s is that I heard the call to move to Europe for further study and I took it in. My early 20s was for my preparation to come to Europe in terms of my language, my funding, and my health. My mid-20 was a bit crazy and confusing but I managed to get over all cultural differences and survived in the UK. Between my mid-and late 20s, the Lord brought me to Cardiff for a healthy church life. The time there I saw the miniature of the reality of the church life. This is really how the church life shall look like in Europe. Small, intimate, full of life and personal care but also being kept in the one fellowship with other localities as the universal Body of Christ. My late 20s has been a frustration but now it seems to get slightly better (hopefully). I've learned, and am still learning how to look upon the Lord for anything I need in order to follow Him.

I'm really thankful.

Lord, make the last year of my 20s still follow You faithfully. I love You and I want to see Your smiling face. May whatever we do today can hasten Your coming. We look forward to seeing You :)

He's working behind the scenes

It seems like I haven't announced that I've got scholarship to study at another university. I'm grateful that God has arranged this for me. I know for sure that the scholarship was released from God, but of course, it was me who learned how to cooperate with Him by much prayer.

Since the time I arrived Cardiff, I knew that there would be a shortage of funding for me to complete this doctoral degree. During that time, I still tried a lot of things by my own efforts and sought ways to obtain funding. Unfortunately, there was nothing for me. After completing my academic year 2015-2016 for another master course, I realised that I needed to seek for scholarship from different higher education institutions.

Burden and prayer (1)- Discharge the burden by prayers

Using my lunch break to read a short portion of this booklet which was written by Watchman Nee.

I'm reminded that all of us, to some degree, have received a burden from God. The burden might be faint at the beginning, but we need to continue the fire by our faithfully praying to Him. In addition, we can only discharge the burden by prayers. When God gives us a burden, the burden itself is the manifestation of God's heart's desire.

Oh, how can we not pray? Lord, cause me to pray for the fulfilment of your economy. Make me your faithful and prudent servant who wait on You by the cooperation of my prayers.

Our interceding for others is according to who we are not what we have

Genesis 20:17 And Abraham prayed to God; and God healed  Abimelech and his wife and his female servants, so that they bore children. 

This is an interesting chapter that reveals Abraham's hidden sins and weaknesses. However, I'm encouraged that although Abraham fails in protecting his wife before the king of Gerar, God still exercised His sovereign hands to take care of Sarah and Abraham. Regardless of Abraham's lack of full trust in God and lost the enjoyment of Grace (typified by Sarah), God restored His testimony of Faith (typified by Abraham) and Grace with His sovereignty. 

Another thing that inspired me is verse 17. Since I'm still sort of suffering in my own situations, I don't know whether I'm qualified to pray for others who are in the same situations like me. For example, I'm still searching for funding to meet my need, but many times I'm put in a situation that I have to pray for other people's need. Times like this make me wonder: I'm not yet walking out from my own situation, am I qualified or have such a faith in me to pray for others with my faith? 

Jehovah's coming in produced Issac

Recently started a bible study challenge from the beginning of Old Testament- Genesis.

Start from chapter 12, it becomes obvious that God had a calling to Abram, and Abram set up an altar and worshipped God.

Recently I'm really bothered by the matter of God's calling. It is due to my difficult environment, and I've been disappointed several times. I don't know the Lord's clear leading, or more precisely, I become less confident what the Lord wish to lead me. Yesterday, another scholarship has been rejected. I cried and prayed. It has been a long process to me to try to acquire a funding, and my stress level has increased. The stress is so subtle that I only realised that it affected my digestion system and has been causing some little problems within me. On the one hand, I have tried my best but I really don't know where is the open door. On the other hand, I want to give up and just discontinue my study although I have been believing that it was the Lord's leading for me to come to the UK.

Missed out an opportunity today

Came to uni for searching for other scholarships and realised I missed out some good opportunities. Those were not advertised online so I wasn't able to access the info.

I feel frustrated.

However, I thank God that at least He's the someone who's able to understand me and be able to comfort me. Anytime, and in any situations, I'm able to come to Him.

Great is Thy faithfulness

This hymn suddenly came to me today. Interestingly, it had been a long while I hadn't sung this hymn.

I'm still struggling with my funding and I have spent a long time today searching for new opportunities which I can apply for. Then in the evening, this hymn came to me and I simply started with "Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness". I couldn't remember exactly how this song goes so I checked it online and started to sing it.

O God my Father! How sweet when I called Him "my Father".

In my lifetime so far, I have thought thousands of times that, if I had a dad, my life can be so much easier. However, when I sang "O God my Father", I immediately sensed a deeper presence of God.
He's my Father, who "changest not and there's no shadow of turning with Him". Such a wonderful One, is my Father.

It was sweet, wasn't it?

Earlier this evening I called a sister N who I had been trying to do some "evening revival" with her but didn't succeed in prior two weeks. Finally today, it was a good timing. We started to empty ourselves and turn to the Lord. We pray-read a verse, had a bit fellowship, and prayed for each other. I sensed the Lord was caring us right at the moment we prayed.

Sister N is busy. Since she came to this locality, I didn't really have a chance to read with her or pray with her, but the Lord always put her in my mind. After today's prayer time, I got to know that she's just a sister who left home for study and misses home. I finally got to know her situation instead of saying hi in the meeting. That was a good time, and we both opened to the Lord and opened to one another.

Then the Lord asked me "It was sweet, wasn't it?", then the next was "Would it be wonderful that you can do this the rest of your life?" I wasn't sure whether it was the Lord's calling, or it was just me thinking of this. If it was the Lord's calling, do You want me to serve full-time?

I remember on the way home from uni, I was still thinking about my visa issues, and the contract with my government. Anyways, I don't think I can make it to the training in London. So I leave this issue to Him- if you really want me to serve Your full-time, You have to figure out a way.

It was sweet shepherding people, but if You don't open up the way, I will not be able to do anything, neither. I'm here again, ask for Your leading, Lord. Your move in Europe is where I belong to. However, the means and ways to stay here- it is Your responsibility to figure it out. I'm just telling You that I'm here.

To mediate and to muse on

Psalms 77:12 And I will mediate on all that You have done And muse on Your doings.

(In Hebrew)
12 וְהָגִיתִי בְכָל־פָּעֳלֶךָ וְּבַעֲלִילֹותֶיךָ 1אָשִׂיחָה
שיח, verb, talk, meditate, speak, complain, pray, commune, muse, declare (12-9).

Having been a Christian for a long while, this verse to me always means I will "think" what God is and has done to me. However, looking back the Hebrew bible, the meaning becomes clear. "Mediate" and "muse" are sharing the same word in this verse. It means much more than simply to think or to consider, but more of something "audible"- our talking, speaking, complaining, praying, communing, and declaring Him. 

Praise the Lord! The way to contact God isn't just some thoughts in quietness or wondering in my mind, but to actually have conversations with the Lord. How amazing! This is the way we touch Him and enjoy Him.