Reflection (2) - recharge, conversations with myself and the Lord

Recently, I have a feeling that I need to come to the Lord just to reflect and to reconsider this coming year. Of course, due to various reasons, I would like to complete my thesis in this coming year and go to Germany, but seriously, there seems to be a long way to go. So today, after almost doing nothing, I come to this video concerning George Müller whose testimony has always been an encouragement to me (https://tinyurl.com/yym9e3bd).

There are several things in my mind that I am seeking the Lord.

1) What is my calling in my life course in relation to my occupation and career?
2) Where I am called to move to?
3) What have I set my mind for in order to complete this PhD in this coming year?

Reflection (1) - the eventful May

Since the end of April, I have been busy until today that I can finally have a break and do some reflection. 

Something I have done this month. 

1. One week back home

I took a week away from my work back to Taiwan for dental checks, for chiropractic check, for traditional Chinese clinical check. I wanted to do a thorough health check but the time just wasn't enough for me to complete everything. I enjoyed a little bit of pleasure from nice massage sessions (this included traditional treatments. :) After all these treatments and health checks, I really feel much better from my constant fatigue and pains in my body. I am thankful that the Lord was helping me deal with all these problems in such a limited time. I also visited my companion's mum - she recently passed away so both of us visited her at a cemetery. 

He faileth not, For He is God

He faileth not, for He is God.

"The Lord does not delay regarding the promise, as some count delay, but is long-suffering toward you, not intending that any perish but that all advance to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)"

I have been praying for my housing during the summer as well as the next academic year. Many things seem quite disappointing, and sometimes I don't know what else I can do anymore. However, this morning, I was shepherded by this verse in 2 Peter and being encouraged that His heart towards us is good. In various situations and even in the things regarding His promise, His heart is not to make us perish but so that we can all advance to repentance and gain Him more.

The God who hides Himself

親愛的Ｍ，

看到你的信件真的很感動。覺得妳是上帝派來的天使呢！

其實來到英國讀博士班，也是主對我的呼召，希望藉著讀書將這大好信息傳到校園，並在之後藉著在職服事能供給教會及校園福音的需要。來到歐洲也讓我慢慢了解，正因為他們濃厚的宗教背景，上帝對他們來說只是宗教跟文化而非他們實際的救主，慢慢了解到上帝為什麼帶我到這裡來。然而這一年多來，課業、體力、財務等各方面的壓力愈來愈大，讓我覺得搆不上為主服事的心願。正覺得愛主的心是否冷淡而難過，也為自己無法兼顧課業和服事只能專心課業的當下而氣餒時，看到你的信件覺得很受激勵，而你分享的經節似乎也是上帝對我的說話。

我想所有奉獻自己給主的基督徒，並非一帆風順，即便想服事主，也要經過一些考驗。正如我們的生活有高有低，服事也是。你的分享，讓我知道當下只能專心課業是神所安排的環境，為要使我知道，我能否服事祂，不在於我的能力。另外我也不需氣餒，當下的環境不能磨損服事祂的心願，反而需要更多親近尋求祂－我想祂看重我們在過程中與祂的交流過於我們外面做的事。待時候到了，祂會帶領我們在適當的機會裡服事祂。

Do not cast away therefore your boldness

I don't mean to be negative- but there have been so many things that frustrate me.

Not only am I under a lot of pressure (housing, work, and so on) but also my companies and I have been praying for the Lord to open a way for us for a long time but nothing happens.

I remember that one day I was just totally falling apart. Too many things that I was trying to sort out did not work and at the same time, the Lord did not open the way as we prayed. I was just so exhausted, so fed up with everything, and not knowing what to do. I just cried and cried a lot. It seemed that my mental capacity had reached the peak that I couldn't even think. Even if I tried to pray, I could not. I didn't know how to pray about the situation. I was just crying out to Him and tell Him that "I really cannot take this anymore, Lord, save me". Well, my wording was far more desperate. I was so desperate to a point that I would rather give up my life just to go through that situation.

I still don't know how the Lord will arrange for me, but I am really tired. Several times this week, I feel that I will not be able to go on in Him unless He shows mercy, and the Lord used the words in Hebrews to encourage me again.

Concerning service

As Christians grow, we started realising what our portions are and what our services shall be. However, as time goes by, the Lord will rise up some environment. Either our identity will change due to the dynamics in a service team changes or we might simply be put into a situation that we cannot do anything we used to do.

Times like this, the Lord often leads us to realise that we shall change our functions and serve Him in a different way instead of holding onto something we used to have and do.

My recent feeling is that I probably don't serve the Lord in the way that I used to do, but I need to serve Him via more prayers.   

Prayers are always needed. And in my current situations, I shall not be frustrated by not being able to serve Him freely. Instead, I shall serve Him with more and more prayers. Even my work is a way of service.

Going through death and resurrection

Dear C,

So happy to see these lovely and shining faces and very enjoyable to read your sharing! Amen to your experience. Recently I also realise a little bit more concerning the overcoming life in us. Such a life requires us to take the cross and experience death and resurrection. Only those that have gone through death and resurrection can be useful to the master. This echoes your experience concerning dealing with the old man. Once some parts in us are exposed, we grow a little more and realise those we thought to be useful to Him has rendered nothing. Then He has a way to go on in us for His economy. Thank You, Lord!

Hallelujah for His eternal goal! We do open to Your dispensing, Lord.

In Him,