Happy Birthday Kate- On the day of 30.

I have too much to reflect on my 20s but I've been busy for the entire day to attend a government event arranged by MOST (Ministry of Science and Technology), and I'm now on the way home via Gatwick Express. 

Considering my 20s, I made a really crazy decision. I heard about the Lord's move to Europe so I decided to come and follow the One I love. I have been struggling in different things- finance, relationships, and the doubt with my ability to become an academic. To the best of my knowledge during that time, I knew that I had no other way to stay in Europe unless I study and become a scholar. 

And today, even on the day of my 30, I still struggle in many of these things. I have to say, the year 2018 is a year that I shed many many tears. I lost count of them, but by the Lord's mercy, I can still love Him. I cannot be confident in myself at all since I know that if without the Lord's mercy, I will definitely fall. Then, by the end of the year, I become much and much busier. The time that I spend with the Lord is less but deep inside of my heart, there is a longing and crying to Him- Lord, I still love You. 

I do not know what is going to happen in my 30s, but Lord, I need Your unreserved self to be with me, to supply me, to encourage me, and become everything I need. I know there are still going to be difficulties and tears. Nevertheless, Lord, increase Yourself even more day by day. 

I love You Lord, and I'm glad that I had "wasted" myself on You in my 20s. I'm glad that I had chosen to follow Your move here although it wasn't my direct vision. I followed because I heard about the encouraging report concerning Europe. Now, I still don't know where to go and how to live my human life but do encourage me to "waste" myself on You in my 30s. 

I love You and I want to follow Your footstep to Germany. Strengthen me, Lord! 

Before 30

I'm feeling weired.

However, when I look back, I realised the decision to come to UK for PhD, with a heart for Your move in Europe is such a wonderful thing. It might seem that I've spent my 20s for nothing and I've wasted my time, energy, and youth. But I'm willing to waste myself on You, Lord.

Make my 30s for You as well. Lord, I'm quit scared, but please hold my hands tightly and lead me on. I trust myself in Your wonderful self. Praise You!

The sufferings that comfort many

This morning a sister overseas called me for some fellowship and prayer. I listened and shared a little bit my struggles as well. I didn't mean to teach or exhort anything but simply shared what I'm going through, and surprisingly, it became a comfort to her. 

The year 2018 is not the best year for me, and especially the 2nd half of the year has been a disaster. I cannot remember how many tears I've shed before Him, but I know that He knows. 

Oh, He knows. 

2 King 4:8-37 has been a comfort to me. 

To anyone else who asks, my answer is "It is well" (v. 26), but I can feel free to cling to Him, talk to Him until He follows me (vv. 27,28,30). Many things and people can disappoint me, but I can flee to Him. 

Thank You Lord, I praise You! 

Have mercy on me, Lord

A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench until He brings forth justice unto victory. (Matthew 12:10 )

At times when tears and sighing never can be exhausted and when the weaknesses and disappointments attack again and again. 

Oh Lord, make your promise firm.

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, Oh that you would richly bless me and enlarge my border, and that Your hand would be with me, and that You would so keep me from evil that it would not grieve me! And God caused what he had requested to come to pass (1Chronicles 4:10)

Some points that I enjoy as the firstfruits

This week I enjoy the spoken message concerning the firstfruits. Brother Ron spoke from our individual experience to our corporate experience concerning how we can be the firstfruits that satisfy the Father. Then there's a result from such a continual experience, that is, we'll be the first fruits, the overcomers, to satisfy the Father. 

I've been considering and also discussing with the saints how, in our experience, we can be the firstfruits that satisfy the Father. After some fellowship, I enjoy the picture revealed in John 15.

1) We are the branches in the vine. 

As we abide in the vine, we enjoy the resurrected Christ. The life juice from the vine being dispensed into us so that we can bear fruits. 

2) Satisfying the Father. 

A particular verse in John 15:11 "These things I have spoken to you that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full". 

No more tears but joy

Whenever I walked by this place, I remember how my tears streamed down that day so that I had to hide in the forest and cried. During these months, I've been inquiring the Lord concerning the matter. If I were able to collect my tears, they must have already caused the flood.

However, when I happened to read the verse today, it feels like the Lord has gently left a gift before me.

Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be made full (John 16:24). 

Of course, I have had a lot of prayers during the time, but today I enjoy how He has loved me and is willing to fulfill my joy because my joy has been one with His joy (John 15:7-11). So I emptied my thoughts from all busyness and paid attention to my inner feeling concerning what I really want.

I made a request that my joy may be made full, and I know that it is His joy as well.

I love You, Lord. Thank You and I praise You. No more tears but joy.

My responsibility is to love You

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So when the Lord is working things together for good, my responsibility is to love Him. Lord, thank You for faithfully working Yourself into me in whatever situations I meet. This is the assurance that I can eventually fulfill the calling according to Your wonderful purpose.

Always open to You, and always love You. This is my prayer, Lord.

It was the Lord

Sometimes it seems like it was men's decision to do or not to do something. However, I realised that behind men's decisions, it's the Lord's hand moved by a lot of prayers.

One thing just happened and when I saw it, I said, "Praise the Lord". It was indeed the Lord's perfect will behind everything we encounter.  One of the reasons why we need a lot of prayers is also for this. We won't be tossed about by human opinions, feelings, and environment. Instead, when things befall, we can see the Lord's hand moving behind the scene regardless it seems good or bad. For this, I praise You.

As a consecrated person, the Lord's hand is guarding and arranging everything for good.

My 17th anniversary with You

I have been thinking to post some enjoyment to remember my 17th anniversary with the Lord but somehow I find it difficult to articulate what I've been enjoying. I'll probably grasp another opportunity to write down what I've received from the Lord.

There are still some feelings I'm struggling with. Oh Lord, but recently I've been enjoying this hymn- Divine Romance. To be honest, since I was a young person, we sang it frequently and I kinda getting tired of this hymn. I picked up this hymn again and realised that this hymn contains and describes a lot of my recent feeling.

I just want to consecrate myself to You, Lord. For I do not know where I will be going, and I don't know how my life will look like and end up with. I'm here asking You to draw me day by day. Sorry for being distracted from the vision. It's really not me who can follow You, but Your mercy, grace, and preserving power that keeps me all the way. Draw me more and more, Lord, so I don't just follow You in an ordinary or careless way but follow You by running toward Your love.


This divine romance
Is My heart’s deep plan,
I became a lowly man
To court My country girl.

Nothing could deter,
Nothing can alter
My eternal love for her;
I’ll gain My country girl.
___________________

In Your love I’m drawn,
To You I belong;
I am not my own, Lord,
I’m Yours alone.

By Your love I’m drawn,
In Your name I’m charmed,
And Your Person captured me,
For I’ve been kissed by Thee.

Thank You, Lord, for courting me. I believe it's the time to respond to Your love, once again. I love You :) 

The experience of the sin-dealing life

Each one of us, more or less, is involved in serving people. So recently I have been considering how to experience and dispense the sin-dealing life because this is one of the most important services of the priests. We all know that we can never have a holy, clean, and rejoicing life if we dwell in sins. If I dwell in sins, you feel the pain, and if you dwell in sins, I'm bothered as well. 

The first picture is in week one in Leviticus 8:14-15 and 10:17  (the verses in day 4 and 5).

"And he brought the bull of the sin offering, and Aaron and his sons laid their hands on the head of the bull of the sin offering. And Moses slaughtered it and took the blood and put some of it on and around the horns of the altar with his finger, and purified the altar, and poured out the rest of the blood at the base of the altar and sanctified it, to make expiation for it" (Leviticus 8:14-15). 

"Why have you not eaten the sin offering in the place of the sanctuary? For it is most holy, and He gave it to you to bear the iniquity of the assembly, to make expiation for them before Jehovah" (Leviticus 10:17).

These verses show us that whoever has the heart to serve the saints have to experience the sin offering before we can make expiation for God's people before Jehovah. 

And the sister verse in 1 Corinthians also tells us that whenever we notice some inappropriate situations among God's people, the first thing is not to come to this person to judge and point out the faults. Instead, we have to prove ourselves first. We enjoy the sin-dealing life within so that we have the grace to dispense such a life to our fellow believers. 

But again, what's the application for us in the new testament age? Previously when I read Philippians 3:3, Paul said, "For we are the circumcision, the ones who serve by the Spirit of God and boast in Christ Jesus and have no confidence in the flesh". And my reaction to this verse somewhat remains in that kind of impression which I should enjoy the Lord in the morning and be filled with the spirit, and by this experience, I serve the Lord. But I was just reminded that the children of Isreal could enjoy the manna every day and still roam in the wilderness instead of getting into the Goodland.  

So, with the help of week 2 message, I realised that it's very significant when we say "we serve by the Spirit of God" because God is the burning and consuming fire! Whenever we touch Him, we are exposed who we are, we get burned, and because we're burned so we want to burn others. But sometimes it might not be my experience. I can enjoy the Lord and pray and do whatever spiritual exercises but not being burned to that extent. And all these are just an indication that I'm still a person who is pretty much in the flesh and need the cross as the sin-dealing life. Praise the Lord, through the burnt offering, our sin offering is also accepted by God.

Eventually, we can have Paul's experience and boast in Christ Jesus as the source of our service to people, and have no confidence in the flesh. 

What are the hindrances for the life to be manifested?

John 10:30; 37-38

"I and the Father are one."

"If I do not do the works of My Father, do not believe Me; But if I do them, even if you do not believe Me, believe the works so that you may come to know and continue to know that the Father is in Me and I am in the Father."

Sometimes in the church life, we think we are focusing on life. Because of this, if the work does not seem effective or bearing fruit, we might say "that's okay, it is a matter of life. If it doesn't work out, then don't be too bothered about it because we're not really focusing on the work".

I wasn't sure whether this kind of attitude is okay or not.

However, this morning when I read John chapter 10, I realise that if we really pay attention to life, the life shall manifest at a certain point in the Lord's work. As Jesus is one with the Father, so whatever He did, people should be able to recognise from the work that the Father is in Jesus, and Jesus is in the Father.

Additionally, I read the booklet "expecting the Lord's blessing" from Watchman Nee. If the Lord does not bless us, whatever we do is in vain.

All of these just remind me of my portion in the Lord's move in Europe. I am at where the Lord has placed me, but am I a hindrance for the Lord to pour out His blessing? How about the people I have been shepherding, is there any fruit coming out from me being one with the Father?

Lord, I do not want to fall into introspection but at the same time, I do not want to be fruitless. You must bless me, and if there is anything hindering Your blessing, shine on me and burn them away. I desire to be a cleansed channel for You to flow out!

The Lord's leading to Germany (in the process)

Sometimes I'm still wondering why the Lord did not keep me in Cardiff. I guess the Lord respects my heart to work in Germany. Since I came to the University of Sussex, the direction of my research changes. I realised that the change of my research discipline can perhaps help me to access the kind of job that Germans wish to employ. As I have been looking into the research jobs in Germany, I feel that my research topics can be of their interests.

At the same time, I have been asking the Lord whether it is His will for me to go to Germany. On the one hand, the people who ask the Lord to thrust out workers into the field have become the workers themselves so I just simply tell the Lord that I have a burden for Germany. On the other hand, I respect the Lord's way so I want to make sure that it is not just me having this desire to go without fellowshipping with Him. 

The previous two days, although I was still quite down, I saw two reports from Stuggart and Trier. Gloria sent pictures of how German saints (the Chemistry teacher) who invited German high school students to the gospel home meeting after they graduated. I looked at the students' shining faces and realised that this is really my heart's desire to make the Lord known to them. Oh Lord, how much I long for this. And another report from the Hernandez is pretty encouraging as well. This summer, almost the same time as the Cheungs, they received the burden to move to Germany. They had borne the burden for a long while and had been learning German. It was a great surprise to know that they have been putting this burden in their heart and pray over it. They just settled everything down in a small city Trier. They got the key to the house near the kids' schools, town centre, and the workplace. They can officially stay in Germany now as residents. Though they will need to travel for several hours to meet the saints, it was really amazing how the Lord has sorted out everything for them. This is the Lord's blessing to the work in Germany. This is what I am asking the Lord as well- not according to my own effort and labour but according to Your blessing. Lord, bless me so that I can work and reside in Germany for Your move. 

The reports really convinced me that the Lord is working out all miracles in Germany, and I do not want to miss this out. Although I still do not know God's plan and leading completely, I would like to trust in Him fully. Lord, work out a way for me to go to Germany! 

By the Spirit of God I serve

For we are the circumcision, the ones who serve by the Spirit of God and boast in Christ Jesus and have no confidence in the flesh (Phil 3:3).

I enjoy that 1) We're circumcised by Christ's crucifixion and thus have no confidence in the flesh. Therefore, I can forget about everything I perceive about myself, others, and the environment and simply press on to serve Him. My eye has to be single (Matt. 6:22). 2) The Spirit of God is the basis of our service. I need to seize every opportunity to focus on growing in life. Eventually, in all services, we boast in Christ Jesus and glorify Him.

Thank You, Lord, I can simply forget about everything I perceive and focus on Christ and pursue the growth in Life. By this I serve.

His banner over me is love

S.S. 6:4
You are as beautiful, my love, as Tirzah, as lovely as Jerusalem, as terrible as an army with banners.

So Tirzah means Palace and Jerusalem means the city of the Great King. Both of them indicate the new creation. Therefore, while we're more constituted with Him as the duplication of Him, we're beautiful in His eyes. However, this week I was considering the word "banners". More precisely, I want to know what's so special about the banners that terrifies the enemy so much.

The ministry in the week explaining banners as the following.

1). Banners indicate a readiness to fight and also are a sign that the victory is won!

2). An unfurled banner signifies the glory of the victory... Indicates this lady, Christ's corporate lover, has a future that is full of hope, and a life that is absolutely heavenly. She is a victor who constantly triumphs in her victory.

So here we see that on the one hand, the banners as a symbol that we've won the victory, and on the other hand, there's a process that we're winning battles constantly. But I wasn't sure whether I really understand the connections between the two points.

At the same time, another verse came to me,
SoS 2:4 He brought me into the banqueting house, And his banner over me was love. I would like to read several footnotes I came across that I really enjoyed.

In Rom 8:31-39 talks about God loves us so much that He delivered His son for us all, and the Son died and raised and is now at the right hand of God interceding for us. In verse 35, it says "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or anguish or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword?" Verse 37 "But in all these things we more than conquer through Him who loved us". The reason that we cannot be separated from the love of God is according to Rom 5:5 "And hope does not put us to shame, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us". And the reason why we can "more than conquer" is because such love in our hearts does something special. The love is a motivating power that while God's enemy tries to attack us with all kinds of sufferings and calamities, we respond to the love of God in Christ. Therefore, these attacks have become benefits to us and helped us to be conformed by the Lord Spirit to reach the ultimate goal of this salvation. That is to enter into the incomparable divine glory and be glorified together with God.

So now we know why the banners are so glorious to us and are terrifying to the enemy.

When we see the banner, we are declaring God's unchanging love for us and the fact that Christ has accomplished everything on our behalf, and thus neither tribulation nor persecution can suppress or defeat us. And again when we see the banner, the enemy is really terrified! He sees a group of crazy lovers of Christ who are really crazily loving Christ. Within their heart, the inseparable love of Christ is the motivating power that whenever they meet and go through the difficulties, they turn these difficulties as fuel to accelerate their conformation into the image of God. So in hymn 1198 stanza 4 "And now the Spirit flows, Brings God wherever He goes, All he could do, the foe, was just release the flow. And God just keeps on flowing!"

Praise the Lord for the banner over us declares His unchanging love for us and our crazy love for Christ! This really terrifies the enemy.

*Main references: Rom 5:5 (ft. 1a), Rom 8:37; 39 (ft.) Bible recovery version.

A person whom God can entrust Himself to

Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover during the feast, many believed into His name when they saw the signs which He did. But Jesus Himself did not entrust Himself to them, for He knew all men, And because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man (John 2:23-25). 

I was praying to God concerning a matter that still bothers me last night. After the prayer, the Lord has given me the sure peace. However, this morning I still could not help but think of that thing. I did not want to be troubled in my mind concerning that matter since I knew that I fully gave it to the Lord last night. Afterwards, when I read the verse, the Lord was speaking to me, "How can I entrust Myself to you if you don't believe the peace that I had given to you and simply want to see the miracle?" I was convicted and reminded of the verse in John 20:29 "Jesus said to him, Becuase you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed". 

Lord, how much I need You. I know the weaknesses within me are still there, and I cannot just forget that matter because it is a big matter that has affected me. Oh Lord, but I open again. My fallen nature attempts me to bring me out of my peace in You and move, but the new creation within me wants to love Your will and fully trust in You. Dear Lord, have Your way in me. I even give up my struggles and attempts to "try" to believe in You. I simply rest in You so You can work Yourself freely in me. 

The Victorious Christ

To be honest, when the first day I saw this title until the very last message I read, I felt the message was not quite for me. On the one hand, I appreciate Christ has nullified sin, the death and Hades cannot hold Him, and He is victorious over the entire universe. But on the other hand, somehow it bothers me that the victorious Christ will come as the fighting General with His army to fight Antichrist (Rev. 19:11-21).

My question is, "Seriously, I'm not quite sure if I'm qualified to be in the army." My genuine situation is, I thought I could be strong by spending time and enjoying Christ, the Victorious One, but I often find myself "Oh, Lord, I don't what to do in the situation, how to deal with this and that thing, and the worst of all, I don't know what to do with myself."

However, as I was considering this matter, the story of Genesis 32:1-10 came to me. Jacob was quite scared of meeting his brother, Esau on the way back. So after Jacob met the angels of God, he divided his wives, children, and the rest of his possessions into two camps, or "two armies". Eventually, God changed Esau's attitude so there was no harm to Jacob's family and possessions. We can say that the two armies had won the victory.

If we link this case to Song of Songs 6:13 for more details. This verse talks about the dance of two camps. The reason why the two camps are dancing because they're celebrating the victory. In the same verse, we know the reason why the weak ones and feeble ones are victorious as armies. The country girl is no longer a country girl alone but becomes the Shulammite who shares the same life, nature, expression, and function as our Beloved Christ typified by Solomon.

Therefore, the entire picture here is that the victory is not gained by us but Christ. It is the Christ whom we experience and is wrought into us becomes the victory of the battle. In other words, it is not even because we enjoy Christ and become pretty strong and capable of many things that qualify us to be the victorious armies. It is simply the Christ that we love and enjoy and are constituted within us enabling us to cooperate with Him and gain the victory.

So praise the Lord that our first qualification to join the armies is our being weak and feeble. Corresponding to the message in day 6 of week 3 in the morning revivla, we cannot trust ourselves but depend on the redemption, life, light, and building that qualifies our fighting.And all we need is in the Word. Therefore, our military service, or our military training is simply to enjoy the Word, to love Him so that we can be the same as He is in life, nature, expression, and function. It is such a Christ that we put on qualifies us to gain the victory with Him!

Take courage from Joshua chapter 1

Recently I have been facing some difficulties and find it difficult to overcome. Happen to come across this message and it is quite enlighting. I just need to forget about my difficulties and simply enjoy His Word and be one with the Word. I don't have to come up with any other strategies to overcome the difficulties. Being one with God's Word and following the Word in our action is the only answer for us to combat the storm.

http://www.goodtv.tv/vod/prog_id/85/get_vid/26452

The principle here is significant, when we meditate the Word of God and even serious about the Word of God, we admit that we cannot live such a life by ourselves nor combat the difficulties by ourselves. Moreover, our meditation of enjoying His Word is the key for us to gain His promised blessing.

 One portion I enjoy concerning Stanley's sharing "From the book of Joshua, it often takes a pure gut courage to be obedient because His Word does not make sense sometimes. Therefore, people who are courageous enough, who trust in God, they are those who meditate God's Word day and night. When we absorb HisWord, His Word absorbs us, and we will be bold to accept what God requires us.

This relates what we had read on the new morning revival in Memorial Day Weekend Conference- The Spiritual Warfare of the Church as the New Man (message one and two). The whole armor of God is Christ Himself, and in order to put on such Christ experienced by us, the Word of God enjoyed and experienced by us is crucial.

His petition concerning us causes us not to fail in faith

Luke 22:32 But I have made petition concerning you that your faith would not fail; and you, once you have turned again, establish your brothers.

While eating the Passover feast, the Lord revealed His death to the disciples. And the time when the Lord speaking concerning the disciples and Peter would be stumbled by His death (footnote 1), the record in Luke specifically mentions Simon in the conversations. "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has asked to have you all to sift you as wheat. But I have made petition concerning you that your faith would not fail; and you, once you have turned again, establish your brothers" (Luke 22: 31-32).

While I read it this morning, I felt the Lord's humanity is sweet and tender toward us. He really knows the healing art.

For example, sometimes I fail in big things, and I trouble myself afterwards. I say to myself, I am a Christian, and why did I fail like this? Was I not being spiritual and not relying on You enough? I can blame myself a lot. Even when I'm encouraged to get over my self-condemnation, it can come back to me again and again. Oh, but my Saviour Lord, He knows that we're going to fail, and He has made petition for us. On our behalf, even before we fail, He was there overseeing and praying for us. Eventually, our failure is not to cause us to turn away from Him but cause us to turn ourselves to Him so that we can establish our fellow believers.

Many times, this is also our experience. We might still be in tears and find it hard to love Him because of our failures. We might be very disappointed about who we are and find it difficult to go on. When we do serve, we doubt ourselves and wonder, Lord, am I still qualified to serve You and follow You?

Oh, He knows, and not only so, what we are going through can be used to establish others. We can fail, but not fail in faith. We might fail for a short while, but not forever. The one remains forever is Himself- the embodiment of the Word and His lovingkindness (Psalm 136; Luke 21:33)

Lord, thank You for having petition for me before I fail. I shall forget the past, and simply focus on You alone. Your intention is not to remove my foreseen failures but to give Yourself to me even more. Cause me always turn my heart to You whenever I feel that I am strong or weak. When my heart turns, You have a way in me and even to others. I love You, Lord.


________________________________________________
*footnote 1: The timing here in Matthew and Mark is different from Luke and John. In Matthew 26:30-35 Mark 14:26-31, Jesus and disciplines went out to the Mount of Olives, and the conversations concerning disciples and Peter would be stumbled followed. Whereas in Luke 22:31-39 and John 13:30-38 indicated the conversations were in the midst of the Passover feast. The record in John did not even mention about their going out to the Mount of Olives.

A getaway to Eastbourne (2) - A burial

Apart from taking a break from my daily routine, one of my purposes to have this trip to Eastbourne is actually to hold a burial for something. I collected some things and ready to burn them and bury them in Eastbourne. This is my offering Issac to the Lord. I'm not trying to make it religious. However, I realised that I didn't take a decent action to make it serious enough so I still struggle. I had already offered my "Issac" to Him, but I realised that I need to take a serious action in order to really "cross the red sea and never go back".

I wrote something on the back of my document, and turned to the front and gave a kiss to it. I know it was my treasure, but it had been bothering me for so long. I gave it a kiss and burned it along with something else that will remind me of it.

A getaway to Eastbourne (1) - Walking on the seaside

Finally got a chance to be so close to the sea :) Nature has the best healing power.

Comparing to Brighton, I probably like Eastbourne better. It's not as young and energetic as Brighton, but there are definitely fewer people lying on the beach so I could enjoy more private space for my own. Known as a retirement city, there are not so many young people who are going to do a lot of exciting activities on the beach. I enjoy the serenity of the site.

A reflection of the half of a year in 2018 before heading off for a break

Dear Lord,

Yesterday I finally got a chance to have a proper break. I give myself at least a week to have a rest. Looking back the past half of a year, I was trying too hard to catch up with my work and balance my church life as well. Then I realised that the work-life balance is a lie. There will never be a balance because the world tries to usurp us with many things, and we often struggle with imperfections in our daily life and work. And most important of all, we need to fight for the church life. In both cases, we often feel that we're not doing good enough. I wish I could have done better in my work, and I wish I could have given myself more to the church life to take care of the young ones. However, the reality is that we struggle a lot and fight for it every day. My attitude now is that we don't need perfectionisms, but we need more Christ and grace daily and hourly.

Because of this, we definitely get tired after a while and we need to have a break from everything else and simply rest physically, mentally, and spiritually.

A lamp to my feet for my close following

The Word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path (Psalm 119:105).

Somehow the trains to my home were cancelled, and I happened to stay in the office late. I decided to take a train to the next station and walk back. However, the whole journey was dark, and some weird people were hanging around. I was really scared.

Finally, when I was close to home, I noticed my neighbour placed some lamps close to the height of my feet. I suddenly realised that we actually are all people who walk in the dark age and are often scared. That's why we need a lamp to our feet. It doesn't allow us to see things at a distance, but as we follow closely and carefully, we'll still be safe in the end.

Thank You, Lord, for bringing me home safely :)

Check with Him always

It's not guaranteed that I'll reach the destination if I don't pay attention along the journey.

Apart from the cancellation and delays, there are several possible situations. It can be two trains to different directions waiting on the same platform. After getting on the right train, I have to make sure that I'm in the right coach because it can divide and lead me to somewhere else. Even if I do everything right, I still need to pay attention to the announcement and take actions accordingly. It might require me to check which possible trains/routes I can take in order to reach the destination.

Similar to the spiritual experience. Sometimes I thought the leading was clear enough and stop asking Him, and things can change completely. I'm learning not to be confident and place things before Him always.

Things can still vary.

Longing for a deeper union with You

My Saviour,

I reckoned the reason that I had no rest is because of my analysing of a thing that bothers me.

I turned my eyes from the Lord and focused on myself. There is where the trouble comes. I realised that I was so busy in my soul wondering and analysing instead of coming to Him for such a rest.

I love Him, I love my Saviour.
I seek for the deeper union with Him.
I then had a sense that I should utterly give up myself. Giving up all the strength from my own self, and render and rest in Him completely. This is my recognition that He is my Lord, and He provides whatever I may need.

This morning, I come to the books written by Madame Guyon. These are "Sweet Smelling Myrrh" and "A short and easy method of prayer". These books helped me seek for a deeper union with the Lord within instead of the outward work alone- I've been actively outwardly, or, been busy in my soul.

These methods of prayers are so intuitive and simple. This echoes my deep longing to pray like this but somehow my soul tells me that I should pray in a certain way in order to please the Lord. Oh Lord, what a mistake. We can learn all the methods to approach You, but what You want the most is to mingle Yourself with us. Oh Lord, how much I have been grieving Your heart.

Gain my heart fully today so I can seek such a union with You. You can thus be satisfied.

His promise for two things

Recently I've been asking for two main things concerning my future direction. And the reason why I needed to ask Him about these two matters during this particular time is that first, I was struggling and hurt by a certain matter. Without His Rhema Word I cannot go on properly with boldness. And second, these two years will be the best time for me to prepare for these two things. I need to make sure that what I am doing now is with His blessing and He has to grant me the energy to do it.

Previously I just prayed about these two matters but not really asked about the Rhema Words from Him. This time I asked, and I've got these verses from Him in my Bible reading time.

Luke 10:1-4
Now after these things, the Lord appointed seventy others and sent them two by two before His face into every city and place where He Himself was about to come. Ans He said to them, The harvest is great, but the workers few; therefore, beseech the Lord of the harvest that He would thrust out workers into His harvest. Go; behold, I send you as lambs in the midst of wolves. Do not carry a purse, nor a bag, nor sandals; and greet no one on the way. 

"After these things" was recorded by Luke chapter 9. At the end of chapter 9, there were several verses talking about "following the Lord". The Lord spoke to people involved in different situations, He literally called them out of whatever they concerned. He called them to follow Him. And then chapter 10 follows to demonstrate how the Lord sent these disciplines out for His work.

I was originally a bit concerned about whether I should be the person who initiates the Lord's "sending" me to a place that I'm burdened for. However, I shouldn't fall into introspection. What I need to do the most is to pray, to beseech the Lord when I see the need.

In the Cambridge dictionary, to beseech is to ask for something in a way that shows you need it very much.

I've already seen the need, and I have some feeling about this place. What I need is to ask the Lord that I need to join this work very much. I need it because He needs it even more. This is part of His fulfilment of His Word. This corresponds to a ministry portion I've read recently in Samuel life-study. Hannah's prayer might be seemingly human but her prayer matches the need of the Lord. Who needs this prayer the most? God or Hannah? Of course, it is God. Without Hannah's prayer, God has no channel on the earth that He can work. God's needing of Hannah's prayer is even bigger than Hannah's need to have a son. Additionally, because of Hannah's prayer is one with the Lord's will, that's why it is answered by God.

We need to be the ones who mingle ourselves to be one with the Lord's will. Then our desire will be His desire and His desire is ours.

Also, the Lord doesn't send people one by one. Praise the Lord, He's gonna send me with a companion. 




 

The dump spirit has been cast out

Luke 11:14  "And once He was casting out a demon, and it was dumb. And when the demon had gone out, the dumb man spoke, and the crowds marveled".

Speaking for God and speaking forth God is really a spiritual matter. There was a period of time that I found myself not being able to prophesy on the Lord's day meetings as well as speaking God in the small gatherings. I was not so sure what was going on with me. I did have the enjoyment of God during the week and I served the saints by reading or praying together during the weekdays as well. But somehow, I just couldn't speak Him.

I knew that during that time, I was bothered by a certain matter, and I noticed a saint was bothered by that matter as well. So both of us would not be able to speak for the Lord during that time. Now I know what was going on during that time. Both of us were possessed by the dumb spirit. And now, by the Lord's great mercy, we are able to overcome that matter. And now we can speak Him.

Praise the Lord. Do not let us be possessed by the dumb spirit anymore. You have set us free!

The widow, the wife, and the virgin

Towards the world, we are widows not having anything to depend upon and eagerly awaiting to meet where our Beloved is. To the enjoyment of the riches of Christ, we are His wife having someone to rely upon. All He is and has are ours and we are His. Concerning the Lord's coming, we are virgins preserving ourselves as a garden enclosed for His satisfaction alone. Lord, my Beloved, come back today.

Inspired by reading:
Collected Works of Watchman Nee, The (Set 1) Vol. 18: Notes on Scriptural Messages (2) -
The Widow, the Wife, and the Virgin (Issue No. 41)

Proactively (properly aggressive) to dispense Christ to others

Recently I'm really surprised by the aspect of 'dispensing Christ' and realise that I have to be a person who dispenses Christ as well.

(1) Semi-annual training (summer)- Leviticus (2) - message one- the consecration of the priests
Point II, J- 4.

As priests, on the one hand, we enjoy the sin-bearing life so that we can bear the inequalities of people; but on the other hand, the life within us is also a sin-dealing life. Therefore, we have to proactively dispense Christ to others so that others can receive Christ as the sin-dealing life.

I realise that I can be quite passive in terms of dispensing Christ. I might have spent time contacting people but ended up just having conversations and checking how they are doing. These are all good but still, I didn't dispense the sin-dealing life to others. Another occasion, I might just pray for certain people so their heart can be softened. However, I still didn't dispense Christ to them.

point b. is very sweet and applicable.
"A person who sins usually has his heart hardened (Heb. 3:13); if we are going to minister Christ to him, we have to trust in the Lord that we may have the grace with the Spirit to soften and warm up his hardened heart".

In other words, if I just pray that the heart of men can be softened but didn't take action to actually dispense Christ to them, I'm not trusting in the Lord that I have the grace with the Spirit within me.

I'll also bring in another portion that I enjoy in the life study concerning this matter.

(2) Leviticus life-study message 44 - The leprosy in a house.
Very last two paragraphs.

"We need to realize that the church is the best place on earth. What, then, shall we do about the problems in the church? We should pray to be renewed in the experiences of Christ. We should not pray too much for others or about the situation. Instead, we should pray for ourselves that we might be able to bring something new of Christ into the church life. This is the way for a diseased church to be healed. Sometimes a church will be healed through the new experiences of the new ones.

The more we experience Christ in a new way, the more the church will be healed. A diseased church cannot be healed by discussion, argument, and debate. The more we engage in these things, the more trouble there will be. We need to pray for ourselves and for the church that through the new experiences of Christ we as members and the church as a whole may have a new start and enter into a new age. This is the only way for a diseased church to be healed".

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So prayers are needed. But we still need to proactively dispense this very Christ we've enjoyed into the church life! Praise the Lord! 

安息

主說，『我的軛是容易的，我的擔子是輕省的。』每一個在主裡有經歷的人，都要說阿們。我們自己所揀選的道路是何等的不平呢！我們隨己意所作的事情是何等的麻煩呢！結局是何其傷心呢！進行是何其困難呢！我們如果肯負主的軛，學祂的樣子，我們要看見，真的，祂所給我們的事情，祂對我們的要求，和祂為我們所安排的環境都是容易的、輕省的。祂所叫我們經過的，沒有一次是我們所擔當不了的。祂知道如何分配祂擔子，祂知道我們的力量。我們可以安心。祂不會叫我們作我們所不能的！祂所分派的是每一個弟兄姊妹所能擔的、能負的。一隻三個月的牛怎樣不會叫它負鐵軛，主也不會叫一個人在他的環境裡所遭遇的是他所不能忍受的。如果有了什麼臨到我們的身上，就是表明神已經看好，我們是會，是有能力可以經得起這些事情的。神不會錯，所以，我們不可埋怨，我們應當安靜的、謙卑的、溫柔的、喜樂的接受祂所給我們一切的軛和擔子；雖然有許多是我們所不喜歡的！(節自屬靈人第一輯, 兩個安息　講經記錄(卷一)第十五期)

The repenting spirit during the first weekend's video training (summer)

Booked a later ticket back to Brighton so I had a morning to review what I enjoyed in the video training during the weekend.

#hymn 280 is probably a recap of my spirit during the weekend (http://www.witness-lee-hymns.org/hymns/H0280.html)

Lord, may Thy blood now cleanse me,

Wash all my sins away,
That with Thy Holy Spirit
Thou may anoint, I pray.
My service, I confess, Lord,
Is failure-full and weak;
The filling of Thy Spirit
To live for Thee I seek.

How cold my heart has been, Lord,
How slow obeying Thee;
So fill me with Thy Spirit,
I’ll ne’er rebellious be.

Oh, may Thy Cross within me
Deepen its work and burn
In me enlarge Thy measure,
And me to ashes turn.
Oh, may Thy Spirit fill me
Each day more than before,
And may Thy living water
On me and thru me pour.

Oh, from myself deliver,
From all its misery;
I’d henceforth be forever
Completely filled with Thee.

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Lord, I'm really thankful that You gave us the book of Leviticus. 

A book that trains Your people to live for Your purpose and fulfil Your purpose. 

Make me maintain a kind of living that can fulfil Your purpose as well. 

Deal with my fallen nature so I can be preserved solely for You. 

Gain me, and gain the fellow saints, so that we can be a priesthood that delights You and realise Your will on the heavenlies to the earth. 

This is my prayer, my yearning, and my plea, Lord. 

the reality and being rich in experience

From collected works of Watchman Nee, The set 2 vol 36, central messages

"We believe that the Lord does not let go of anyone who commits himself into His hands. We believe that every trial is for enlarging and enriching us. Once a man passes through a trial, he becomes that much richer. Every time a man faces a distress, he knows God that much more. In this way, he becomes gradually qualified to supply God's children in the church".


Lord, thank You that whoever commits himself/herself into Your hands, You are enlarging and enriching us. We can thus be turned into supply for the church. Praise You!

Bring us into the full spiritual reality!

We experience Christ for the church by having a proper heart and a strong spirit so that Christ can make home in our heart to know Him!

Recently, the Lord exposed me that my heart is busy paying too much attention and considering too many things. And because our heart is a loving organ, I realised that I've been sharing my love on too many other things other than Christ. I had a real repentance. Therefore, my enjoyment in the previous weeks was that I needed to have an open heart that loves the Lord so that whatever befalls, I can still be for the Lord and not be led astray.

However, this week I realised that simply having an open heart and loving the Lord is good but not enough. We also need a strong spirit to advance our experience of Christ for the church.

Eph 3:16 That He would grant you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit into the inner man,

Eph 3:17 Thay Christ may make His home in your heart through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 

When we have a strong spirit, we are strengthed into our inner man so that Christ may make His home in our heart through faith. Christ can only make His home in a strengthened, supplied, and fully possessed heart through faith, and by this, we can be rooted and grounded in love. Such faith and love are necessary for our experiencing Christ. In verse 17 ft 4, Faith enables to apprehend Christ, and love enables us to enjoy Him. Both faith and love are not ours but His. However, Christ making home in our heart to apprehend and enjoy Christ.

Eph 3:18 May be full of strength to apprehend with all the saints what the breadth and length and height and depth are

This not only proves that Christ makes His home in our heart allows us to apprehend and enjoy Christ, but such apprehension and enjoyment of Christ also leads us toward a particular purpose- A genuine and prevailing recovery of God's people!

The Lord's recovery depends upon our renewed, purified heart and our renewed, strengthened spirit is thoroughly saturated with the Spirit, God will have a way, and the recovery will be prevailing. (2018 ITEROS HWMR- Week 4 The Heart and Spirit of a leading One- Outline point VIII)

Being holy in touching the things of God

In touching the things of God, we shall not be loose and must be careful. Lord, save us!


Leviticus 10:1-1

And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer, and put fire in them and laid incense on it, and they presented strange fire before Jehovah, which He had not commanded them. And fire came out from before Jehovah and consumed them, and they died before Jehovah.


"We should be burning for the Lord and hot; however, our hotness should not be natural but spiritual. We progress from being natural to being spiritual by taking the way of the cross. Whatever we are in the natural life should be crossed out. The natural man has already been crucified with Christ...


We all need to learn not to touch the holy things of God with the natural life. Not only should the things be right, but the way should also be right. It is not adequate simply to do the right thing. We must do the right thing in the right way. To offer strange fire to God is to do the right thing in the wrong way, and this brings in the judgment of death.


...we must mean business with God. In coming to Him and in touching His service and work, we must be serious...we must take care of God’s concern and not our own concern. Behaving in such a situation as though we have suffered no loss shows that we are under the headship of Christ." (Excerpts from Leviticus life-study message 33).

My 'training' in the following two years - FTTPhD

After an intensive weekend. I had a real dealing with the Lord for a thing that had been bothering me for months. And now, I'm set free! By the time I was set free, I realised that it is needed for me to move on and put my consecration into actions now.

I have been considering to go to Germany, but recently I have a feeling that I must put this into an action plan. The reason why I did not manage to do it in the previous months after arriving in  Brighton is that I was not sure what kind of research I can do, and what is the direction of my next step after completing my degree, plus I had spent most of my time adjusting to my new church life in Kingston and trying to balance my research and church life. Everything was uncertain and chaotic, but by the end of May, I started having a relatively concrete idea what I can work on, what my research will be, and so forth.

The primary concern to go to Germany is always about the ability to get a job because it relates to the issue of visa and a way to make a living to support myself in Germany. I have seen so many saints leaving Germany because of the problems finding a job there. In order to equip myself with the skills needed for a job and for the gospel, several things I have in mind will need to be put into action.

First, I have to pick up my German again. Learning the language and understanding the culture will help me gain the real locals. Second, I have to complete my study in the following two years, which is challenging. This includes publishing papers, finishing data collection, analysing data, and writing up my thesis. The third one and probably the most important one about my human learning is the truth and the ministry. The truth is like a weapon, and the ministry makes the blind see. Therefore, concerning my study and human learning, I need to make a plan for these.

At the same time, I realise that I probably will not make it to the full-time training in the following years or even before the Lord's coming back. However, I realise the research job I'm doing is already a training to perfect me in various ways. It trains my character, it trains the weakest part of my being- my will. Additionally, it helps me restrict my emotion and properly trains my mind. The Lord has already provided me with a perfect environment to train my being. It is wonderful. I also have the saints from Kingston where I can join the service and practise church life. How wonderful. Hence, I regard the following two years of PhD as my full-time training and I am going to design my course as follows.

1. German lessons
My goal is to pass the B1 exam in June in 2019. I have around 30 mins in the morning for listening to German class and doing some practices. I just started at the beginner's level so I assume I will need more time when I reach a higher level. I've preserved 50 mins for German studying in my schedule. Of course, I also set my short-term goal to reach A1 and A2 level by self-examination.

2. The Truth 
It is hard to tell how much I have known about the truth since I've been following the church life for a long time and have attended various training since I was a young person. Therefore, I will try to make the schedule simple so that I can follow along with my PhD study.

a. Bible reading 

A chapter a day as a base along with footnotes.

b. Prophesying on the Lord's day
This will help me be constituted with truth and follow tightly with the flow. It will also help my morning revival during the weekdays with an aim to prophesy instead of passively enjoying the Lord.

c. The crucial points of the truth
I appreciate the church in London has made the crucial points ready for me. All I have to do is to dig in and absorb all the riches in the Word.

d. Services
- Bible study in Sussex University
- Tea service + children's service
- Shepherding people by appointments (maintain the current schedule)
- Other potential blending and so forth

3. Complete my PhD with three papers
- paper one- the literature review
- paper two- data collection with small entrepreneurship
- paper three- cognitive frames in small businesses
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Of course, I've been building my characters for a proper human living. I just need to really reach these goals so that I can get myself ready for the Lord's move in Germany.

Thank my dear sister Ieva. May we find Him in our two years of training in our individual pathway. Oh Christ!

An Education for the Spread of the Lord’s Recovery

Brother Witness Lee spoke many times about the importance of education. However, as many of us pursue higher degrees and further training, we may begin to lose sight of why we set out to obtain such an education in the first place. In A Blessed Human Life, Brother Witness Lee touches on these points and reminds us that everything we do should be with a view to the Lord’s move on the earth.

You all are studying hard, longing for and striving toward successfully completing your education. For this, I ask the Lord to bless you all that each one of you may be successful in completing your education. However, I would ask you, after you have completed your education, what are you going to do?

The Bible says that among God’s people there were great resolutions in heart, and there were also great searchings of heart (Judg. 5:15-16). For whom did they have great resolutions and great searchings? A person of aspiration, though he lives on the earth, always turns his heart to the Lord. We should have great resolutions in heart and great searchings of heart toward God. May all the young people, starting from today, be willing to have great resolutions and great searchings of heart. May today be the day that you have a great resolve and make a great plan. Some may ask, what is the purpose of having a great resolve and a great searching? It is to live for God on the earth. [Living for God] means to receive God as your life for your entire life. God will lead you to express Him on this earth by going to every place, every country, and every nation to testify on His behalf and to lead people to know Him. (pp 40-41)

Once we have resolved that our education is simply to make us more useful to the Lord and His economy, Brother Witness Lee encourages us to go. He does not ask if we will go, but where we will go.

Every letter sent to us from the major continents all over the globe has fellowshipped with us regarding the need for people to go. But where are the people? We do not have enough people even to meet the need of Taiwan, or even just Taipei, not to mention the whole earth. Where are the people? (p 53)

Where will you go – to Africa, South America, Central America, North America, Eastern Europe, or Western Europe? We can pray to the Lord, “O Lord, where should I go? O Lord, where do You want me to go?” May we all answer the Lord, “O Lord, here am I; send me.” (p 58)

Hallelujah – we are not wandering aimlessly through our educational programs, but living for the Lord and to Him for His increase and spread on the earth!

Source of article link Living to Him (http://livingtohim.com/2010/12/an-education-for-the-spread-of-the-lord%E2%80%99s-recovery/) 

Oh Christ!

I've heard a lot that Christ is the reality and He is the answer to many things that we're experiencing. But recently I realised that my praises to Christ and my cooperation in living Christ are much to do with whether I have difficulties or not. When the outward environment is somewhat okay for me to endure, I can still praise Christ and endeavour to live Christ. 

So recently (over a couple of months) I felt that I've been suppressed by some troubles in my heart, and I had been praying a lot and spending a lot more time with the Lord. Talk to Him all the time. But somehow the things I was concerned just wouldn't let me go. It just kept coming back again and again and again. And I told the Lord, I've been telling people around me that I'm a Christian. it will not be a good testimony if I go crazy. I told the Lord the potential solutions that He can do for me. I'm not trying to interfere, but in order to get me out of the troublesome mind, perhaps You can talk to me, comfort me, and blah blah blah. 

But then the messages on day 1 and 2 (week three) really supply me. In John 14:19 Yet a little while and the world beholds Me no longer, but you behold Me; because I live you also shall live. Somehow my heart just melted when I saw this verse. I realised that Lord, I cannot live a life like worldly people do. The people in the world do not care about Christ. They behold Christ no longer, but I have to be the one who beholds Christ. And also it is my lifeline to behold Christ because it says 'I live you also shall live'. 

So then connecting to the message on day 1, the Lord just exposed me that I've been putting my love and attention to so many other things. They might be seemingly good, but they are not Christ. Lord, am I going to stumble people if I do this? Lord, shall I go to Germany for Your move. I think I should. Hum, maybe I need to publish papers like this and do research like that and I will find a job in Germany. And many many other things. But I forgot to behold and live Christ.  

'Living Christ requires that we love Him to the uttermost. As we are engaged in our daily activities, our living should not be those activities but Christ. Our mind should be concentrated on Christ, but the concentration of our mind on Christ depends upon our love for Christ. This is the reason that the New Testament charges us to love Christ. If we do not love Christ, we cannot live Him; loving Him is the best way to concentrate our entire being on Him...We need Christ to captivate us to an extent that even in our dreams we would live Christ' (The conclusion of the new testament pp.3486). 

So praise the Lord, He intentionally got me into these concerns so that I could learn that even my loving the Lord still pretty much fluctuates with the environment, and my living Christ has been shallow. I really really need to practise this. Loving the Lord with my full attention so that I can live Christ. 

Prayer is a practical realisation of a normal Christian walk.

Prayer is a practical realisation of a normal Christian walk.

This week I realised how much I need to set a definite time for prayers without distractions, and a normal Christian walk requires our prayers. This includes all the matters that we're read before such as to set our mind on the things above, have the renewing of the new man, have the peace of Christ arbitrating in us, and allowing the word of Christ to inhabit us. 

If I lack prayer, I lack this reality. 

1 Thes.5:17 Unceasingly pray. 

I enjoy the footnote here. Unceasingly means to have uninterrupted fellowship with God in our spirit. But what does "uninterrupted fellowship" mean? Being uninterrupted, according to the dictionary, is without any pauses or interruptions. So yesterday I went to FTTL graduation, and after the meeting, I tried to catch up with some sisters that I had not seen for a long time. But even if we focused very much on the conversations, there were still pauses or interruptions. So having uninterrupted fellowship with God does not mean two parties, us and God, focus on the conversations. It means more. In order to have uninterrupted fellowship, the two parties have to be one. That makes me realise our prayers with God is us and God, God and us, being one. 

In addition, being able to pray unceasingly requires our perseverance (Rom. 12:12; Col. 4:2) with a strong spirit (Eph. 6:18).