The kingdom of God

This morning I was randomly pray-reading the verse in Romans 14:17

For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

I've come across this verse for a lot of times, but while I was reading it this time, I asked a question to myself - "why it is not eating and drinking?" because another verse came to me. 

The Son of Man came eating and drinking; and they say, Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. Yet wisdom is justified by her works.(Matt. 11:19)

You work with God by a life

Hi Kate,

It's okay to be a bit down and sad. You know you're doing your best among all the struggles. The Lord is faithful, and He'll open the way.

Thank the Lord that this hymn came to me on the way home:

Desperate to consecrate for God's purpose

Enjoying the message on the way to uni.

Sometimes the environment makes you desperate to cry out to God. Hannah was desperately praying to God for a child. She had no choice but consecrated herself to God. The result was Samuel- the one who was produced for God's purpose. (1 Samuel life-study)

God needs people who are desperate and then consecrate themselves absolute to Him. This makes us one with Him so He has a way in us to carry out His purpose.

Praise the Lord! :)

Oh my love, come back quickly

These two days my heart was slightly bothered by some things. Although I might have some desires of my own, at the end of the day, He is who I really need and want. It was actually a cry out from within that I just wanted to touch Him and enjoy His very presence.

So after dinner, after I finished cooking my lunchbox for tomorrow, I came back to my room and sang to Him (Lord, how long). One stanza touched me deeply, it went:


The universe, in it we see,In the sweetest touch of Thee,
You’re my choice and my destiny, destiny.
Lord, whate’er the price may be,
Lord, Amen, let it be!
Oh, my Love, please come back quickly!

Come, Lord Jesus,
Please come, dear Bridegroom;
Precious One, come soon, come soon.
Lord, consume me!
Oh Lord, don’t let me stray,
Faithful to You all the way.

Lord, there might be many things which I don't understand now, and I'm not so sure how to go on as well. But thank You Lord since the day I chose You, I have no other ways but to follow You absolutely. Lord, thank You that I can love You and simply present my whole being for Your move here. Strengthen me, supply me, and take me through the process. I love You :)

You did not choose Me, but I chose you

Somehow I felt tired. I thought I could possibly find some research funding but really it's hard. I actually don't know what to do with this. The pressure for research funding has forced me, again, to come to the Lord.

I can't really do anything but consecrate myself to the Lord. I asked for the Lord's speaking to me what I should do, but the Lord didn't answer me directly with any verses. However, through the conversations with Him, I gradually realised that it was really the Lord's calling for my studying abroad. Before, I was doubting my decision to come to the UK and study PhD was merely a decision out of flesh. This time, while I learned to speak more to Him, the Lord was dealing with me and my inner intention. To an extent, I know that I'm here for the Lord's move in Europe. And I told the Lord, now the responsibility is Yours. I'm just telling You, I need funding.

While reading the gospel of John, a verse in 15:16 came to me. "You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and I set you that you should go forth and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My Name, He may give you."

This verse touched me. So many times Satan just wanna accuse me of the studying abroad decision was not the Lord's calling. However, it was indeed the Lord's mercy and it was Him who called me here. He used a brother's testimony to make me have a heart to come to Europe. He opened the way so a girl who comes from a poor family can study in the UK. He arranged everything so my application got accepted. While I was living in sister house, He arranged an environment to help me practise English. If it was only me, I didn't even dare to dream of studying abroad and doing a PhD.

Then recently while I again felt worried about my funding, the Lord exposed me, "Do you think I'm not able to do it?". I responded, "Lord, of course You are able." Because of my consecration, the Lord simply asked me to "take care of my heart". As long as my heart is right, He's able to make it happen. This time I have another consecration. I know it's been hard to think this will happen, but I told the Lord if I can get the funding to finish my study and He's able to sort out my visa issue, I will go to FTTL.

Lord, have Your way in Me. My heart is with Your move in Europe.

Recover the land

It's been a while. During the one month time, I had finished my dissertation, prepared the freshers fayre, and tabled while the freshers came in my uni. Then, I had become quite sick for a week. But somehow, as the Lord listened to our prayer, the Lord has brought some new ones under our care. This is absolutely amazing :) I gradually realised how the cooperation with God is so important. We prayed, and the corresponding action must be taken for He realised His promise by our taking action.

After recovering from the cold, I start to participate in training for new researchers. And again, I need to figure out a new research direction. I don't know where to start. Loads of thoughts have come in. Which area is more promising? Which area can help me get more funding? Which area can help me stay in Europe. A lot of practical things need to be considered, and as usual, I'm easily frustrated while I'm confused or struggling with my future direction. Well, all above is just my reflection of my life recently. At the same time, I feel the need not just to read morning revival in the morning, read the Bible myself, but also need to enter in the ministry. And this is the book I chose- the all-inclusive Christ.

Being not absolute for God

The message I listened- Leviticus message 18 (here).

The message today made it clear that where our transgressions come from. The transgressions are produced when our sinful nature marries our not being absolute for God.

"The reason for our mistakes and transgressions is our not living for God. Because we are fallen, we are not for God absolutely. Since we were created by God, we should be absolutely for God, yet we are not. We may be for God to a great degree, but we are not for Him absolutely. Our not being absolutely for God indicates that we are still in a fallen situation. We are fallen, a fallen person is flesh, and this flesh is sin, which produces trespasses as the children, as the fruit. (Retrived from Life study of Leviticus, chapter 21, LSM)

I choose life

I've been "seriously" wrtiting up my dissertation since the begining of Agugust, and of course, I've been prepraring the research since the begining of this year. A lot of try and error involved in the process. So in these two days, probably because I'm aware that it's my final stage of my dissertation, I become too relax and my mind isn't that sharp anymore (I think researchers know what I'm talking about...). And as I get more relaxed, my mind started wondering around many things. That's probably why I felt dull this morning. 

Before I came to the bible, I firstly asked the Lord what's going on with the dull feeling. And as I asked Him to clense me, I got a feeling that I just need to put aside everything, even my feelings, just come to Him as who I am. He's a living person, and I'm ready to seek Him. Seek and I shall find.

The "Open to Him" exercise

For whether we live, we live to the Lord, and whether we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore whether we live or we die, we are the Lord's. (Romans 14:8)

My phone disappeared yesterday. I rarely dropped stuff so I don't know whether it was someone took it or I simply just being careless and dropped it on the road. Anyways, this morning when I woke up, the first thing I was aware of was the uneasiness and self condemnation about...my phone. I called upon the Lord's name and still felt bothered. Then I was reminded, "hey, I'm not even living to my phone, I'm living to God. I'm a vessel and I should simply open to Him." Yes, I'm a human being and will certainly be bothered by this. However, this time is for the Lord, and nothing should be allowed to disturb my time with Him. 

2016 Nottingham conference (1)- concerning the soul

The prior week had been crazy and I didn't feel like posting anything although I've been enjoying the Lord's supply and strengthening. Due to the busy schedule, I will just share a little bit everyday. A little goes a long way. :)

Anyways, praise the Lord that I made it to the Nottingham conference. There were so many points I enjoyed. First, our soul is very crucial because it is where our transformation takes place, and through soul we express God. Since I recently come back to Matthew for my bible study, I came across this verse:

You never change

The progress of my essay doesn't work very well. I also went back to check but felt not confident about what I've written. I felt an anxiety attack occurred to me (but most likely was due to my PMS). I told the Lord "I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to do it and I feel really bad, please comfort me". Then the verse I read yesterday came to me. 

And do not be fashioned according to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and well pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Joy unspeakable and full of glory

Dissertation is hard, and the progress somehow cannot go any faster although I've tried. Reading Matthew chpter 3 today, and this lovely verse came to me.

And behold, a voice out of the heavens, saying, This is My Son, the Beloved, in whom I have found My delight. (Matt. 3:17)

While prayreading it, I enjoyed that the Son is "the Beloved" and also it is in the Son that the Father has found His delight. 

My prayer was, Lord, make me hide in this lovely One so you can also find Your delight in me. I admit most of the time I'm just a sinner. My thoughts, my attitudes, my concerns....all who I am is disappointing, but hiding in this wonderful One covers all these. 

Having been divinely instructed

Now I come back to Matthew for my personl bible study. One thing interesting captured me.

And because they (magi) had been divinely instructed in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed by another way to their country. (Matt. 2:12)

But because he (Joseph) heard that Archelaus was reigning over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there; and having been divinely instructed in a dream, he departed into the regions of Galilee. (Matt. 2:22)

The hungry ones

Yesterday I just listened the message concerning "open vessels", and this morning the Lord again reinforced this point through my morning revival.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Matt. 5:6)

The hungry He has filled with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty. (Luke 1:53)

Just as the message I listened yesterday, the message I read this morning talks about the first condition for spiritual growth in a Christian is hunger. We have to learn to be hungry so that the Lord has a way to fill us and bless us. This is God's principle. There must be an empty and open vessel so He's able to fill.

Hunger is the drive for us to search for food. As the Lord said in Luke 11:9.

The apostles are "open vessels" and ready to be burned

Enjoying the message here concerning how to dispense life to young people (but I guess it can be applied to general services, too).

For which cause I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. (2 Tim 1:6)
In the brother's sharing, one thing that touches me the most is that our being must be "fanned into flame". We need the fire burning within us so that we can serve. What is the requirement to fan into flame the gift of God? Practically speaking it is not even calling on the Lord's name or whatsoever, The requirement is that we have to learn to be open. The apostles are the "open vessels". Therefore, they can learn how to follow the Lord because they are open. Being open also implies being empty.

Oh Lord, cause me to be open and empty to you even though I'm really busy these days, and I need to concern where to meet the financial need. I just open and love you. Lead me in my fellowship with You, Lord.

Repent, be in reality, and produce many Timothys

This is basically a recap of what I had enjoyed yesterday.

A. Repent 

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I had a sense of uneasiness. I felt that it was kinda stress concerning my dissertation. I called upon the Lord's name, and this thought shone on me. I'm not a person who's able to suffer, and that's why when I'm busy with my assignments or other work, I always feel stressed out and not happy. I'm also reminded that we Christians should have a mind of being willing to suffer. This has been revealed in 1 Peter 4:1,

"Since Christ therefore has suffered in the flesh, you also arm yourselves with the same mind (because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin),"

Let's go on - the matter of keeping the heart uplifted

Recently I enjoy that our Christian walk does not merely depend on our spirit but also our soul. Our soul is of great use for our experiencing the Lord. The realisation that I have to do my best to maintina my mental and phisical health in order to experience the Lord properly really impressed me.

A fresh view concerning the things we ask

In most occations, we would think that prayers should be sheer in spirit because prayers are spiritual matters. However, this morning a fresh idea came in. Prayers should also involve our whole beings.

"Again, truly I say to you that if two of you are in harmony on earth concerning any matter for which they ask, it will be done for them from my Father who is in the heavens" (Matt. 18:19)

"These all continued steadfastly with one accord in prayer..."(Acts 1:14)

Many bible readers have endeavoured in exploring the secrets of our prayers get answered. Of course, the general concepts will be we have to pray the Father's heart and so on. I'm not forsaking this idea, but rather, I would like to add something more concerning our prayers get answered.

My past

After the Lord's table, the saints and I were having lunch together. An elder brother just became friends on my facebook, and he said he was browsing through all my pictures (certainly over thousands of pictures). Saints and I were making fun of him stalking me. Of course, the elder brother was out of care and love, but those pictures remind me of my past.

When I first arrived England, I was struggling. First, the church life was small. The sisters were scattered in three different cities, and I hardly found a companion who was near. Second, the new life and a sense of isolation forced me to make friends. I'm always not a person who feels that Christians should/shouldn't do something. Therefore, I joined the new friends I made to clubbing. I didn't feel bothered because I knew I'm a Christian and I wouldn't really do something bad, so why not?

Keep breathing. We forget it easily.

A reminder for today.

I felt a bit dull yesterday. Although I did turn to the Lord and try to call upon His name. I still felt not right. I repented, and it was still not right. I was wondering what was going on with me?

Then I realised that I didn't have sufficient "breathing". I did, but it wasn't sufficient to get me the "spiritual oxygen". After I finished dinner with some saints who just came back, I had a deeper and longer breathing of the Lord, and everything seemed different.

Keep breathing, I forget it easily.

Through breathing people can tell you're alive

This morning I had a quick run to the park and saw a hedgehog. I wasn't sure if it was still alive because it didn't move at all. I crouched down and tried to check. A lady passed by and also asked if it's alive? I took a closer look and realised the hedgehog was breathing with a slight movement.


Being a Christian is the same. People might not be able to tell what's the differences between us and unblievers. However, when we breathe Jesus, people will be able to tell that you're alive.

Our God is like a mother - the balance of my study, church life, and work

Before reading the morning revival message, I remembered a sister who's doing a full-time job and she has a baby girl. At a point, she felt the need to study post grad so there was one period of time (around 2-3 years) that she was doing a master in a new area and having a full-time job. Although her mother in law will help take care of the child, out of love, she didn't want to miss her baby girl's childhood. Therefore, she was dedicated to her study, her work, and spending time with her baby girl after work. 

In the end, half an year after her graduation, her thesis was awarded the best prize.

I think of this because I'm kinda struggling. I have a heart to take care of the juniors in the church life, but at the same time, I need to study. After September, I'll probably need to work. All these make me think how a Christian sister like me can experience God in all these struggles? I'm sure there are no definite answers because the riches of Christ cannot be exhausted, and only with all the saints can we apprehend the riches of Christ. So, if I experience it right, in the near future, I will be able to share my experience to those who also struggle to find a balance and we can all grow.

What does that mean "the will of God is our food"?

Jesus said to them, My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to finish His work. (John 4:34)

Here is an interesting expression that I just realised. I knew Jesus was sent by God, but I didn't pay attention that you can regard the will of God as food! If we check "food" in wiki, here is the explanation:

"Food is any substance[1] consumed to provide nutritional support for the body. It is usually of plant or animal origin, and contains essential nutrients, such as fats,proteins, vitamins, or minerals. The substance is ingested by an organism and assimilated by the organism's cells to provide energy, maintain life, or stimulate growth."

A pine tree consecration- a deal with the Lord

On Monday I didn't feel right in the afternoon, so I went out for a walk and prayed. I couldn't find a proper spot in the park because somehow people were walking by although it was drizzling. I walked further to the back of the uni hospital and found a tree. I prayed there. While I prayed, something hit me. Although I didn't know what actually hit me, I realised I was standing under a pine tree. So after prayer, I picked up a pine cone, and may it become a rememberance of my consecration to the Lord.

Staying in Europe, and perhaps, FTTL

Several things I consecreated to the Lord again. First, I told the Lord I want to participate in FTTL. However, due to my contract with the government, I'm obliged to go back to work if I don't find a decent job in Europe (or another option, return the money to the government). That's why I didn't really ask the Lord for this because my stay in Europe also depends on my work status. 

However, the European blending trip has really strengthened my faith. I asked the Lord, "You've brought me this further, how about staying in Europe for Your interests?" I told Him, the vision and move here are so clear, and I've seen them! If You made me see this but asked me to go back, I won't be able to accept this. But if I stay, I need to be constituted with truth otherwise I won't have much use in Your hands. It will be great if I can participate in FTTL. While considering this, I had another feeling that my consititution of truth should start from today. I was reminded that being a Christian is a daily living thing, and I shouldn't simply depend on "if one day I can be in FTTL and be trained". If God opens the way for me to go, praise the Lord. But if not, that's okay. I have peace within because I have human obligations to follow, and no mater I go to FTTL or not, I should always learn to serve in the church life, dispense Christ to others, and be constituted with truth.  

This is the first deal between me and the Lord. Finding a proper job to stay in Europe, and if possible, be able to go to FTTL. I just pray, and may You have Your way. 

A student and a servant

But if the servant plainly says, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free; Then his master shall bring him to God and shall bring him to the door or to the doorpost, and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl; and he shall serve him forever. (Exo. 21:5-6)

The Lord Jehovah has given me the tongue of the instructed, that I should know how to sustain the weary with a word. He awakens me morning by morning; He awakens my ear to hear as an instructed one. The Lord Jehovah has opened my ear; and I was not rebellious, nor did I turn back. (Isaiah 50:4-5)

Before reading this message, I was praying to the Lord there must be a change in my study. I've spent more time in the matter of "study", and if I don't master this, that won't be beneficial to me, to the Lord, and to the church. I must learn how to study with the Lord, so in the near future I might be able to help others gain Christ during study. Therefore, I prayed to Him that may He make my PhD study a service to Him. 

But the question will be, what is service? While I was musing upon this matter, I came across the MR message for today. Several key words in the verses I quote have been identified. The tongue of the instructed; sustain the weary with a word, and awaken. 

Reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ

For if by the offense of the one death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. (Rom 5:17)

This morning in my prayreading, these key words came to me. "Receive" and reign in life "through the One". 

Receive

I'm reminded the fact that I'm a receiver, and I should be open to receive. But what to receive? "the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness". I repent to the Lord, sometimes I don't find His grace abundant or don't find His gift righteousness is realised in me, and that's not God's problem but mine. Simply because I don't open wide enough to receive this abundant grace. I told myself that if next time I complain to the Lord and find His grace short, I shall be reminded to repent and praise. For His grace is abundant, and I shall not fall short of it. All I have to do is to open to Him and receive. 

Reign in life through the One

Still, in my daily life I'm used to apply my own strength in everything. Even read this verse could be my doctrine. I could possibly thinking how to realise the abundant grace and the gift of righteousness in my life. Oh Lord, how much I need to realise this. My reigning in life (zoe) is through You. None of other methods can help me reign in this divine life. I need to come to You, Lord, because the reigning is through You, Jesus Christ. Please remind me to come often to You even though I will be busy writing my essays. 

Follow the Lamb (Rev. 14)

These are they who have not been defiled with women, for they are virgins. These are they who follow the Lamb whoever He may go. These are purchased from among men as firstfruits to God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth no lie was found; they are without blemish. (Rev. 14:4-5)

At first I was confused what virgins mean here. Follow the cross reference in the following verses.

But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, and has authority with respect to his own will and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. (1 Cor. 7:37)

For I am jealous over you with a jealousy of God; for I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. (2 Cor. 11:2)

So being virgins is a matter of our heart and also a matter of love. We need to have such absoluteness in our heart toward the Lord.

I pray to the Lord that I can be such a person who follows the Lamb whoever He may go. With a heart absolute for Him and with my whole being transformed through my daily experience of Him, I will be able to present to Him without blemish. Lord, guard my heart and keep advancing in me each day!